First and mostly… an apology to all… If my ego has been getting out of hand… I am sorry. I was told two things last night…
- everything in the universe doesn’t revolve around me. (my abrupt brother)
- is there a possibility I’m suffering some ideas of reference again? (my sis)
Last nights family meeting sort of hurt my feelings… I was also told my waves of positive enthusiasm are starting to drown people. The waves are too big… no one can surf them with getting wiped out.
That was a bit sad for me… I know my Mom was trying to be delicate, but she was saying that I seem to be taking everything as a personal sign.
I’ve been pondering on this one…
I have been trying get back on solid ground since my fever and I’ve been trying to get used to not having my head plugged into the universe. But I just keep thinking the universe… the entire cosmos is trying to send me a message… trying to show me that path to great enlightenment.
I realize that on this board, we’re all working through some similar fog. So when people post about things… it’s not directed AT me or about me… but my brain has been locking into it and thinking… “they posted this… knowing I’m going through this… the universe told them to do this for me.”
Again… If my ego has been seeming a bit large… I do apologize and please be patient.
I’m trying to tell myself it all a coincidence. I’ve been so connected to every atom… it’s hard to ignore something as big as the universe. It’s all coincidence… I just have to hold onto that.
I do NOT want to go through my day thinking the universe revolves around my head. It doesn’t.
I don’t want to make snap decisions based on a fleeting feeling of this vibe… because I do know that delusions of reference is one of my symptoms… I’ve fought this sneaky brained thinking in the past.
But there is something in my cells that just screams… if you don’t do this… if you don’t sell your shoes and walk barefoot and turn your back on creature comforts the universe will quit talking to you. Then you will have no guidance.
I think the only thing saving me here is the fact that…
- like an immune system… I’ve fought this a few times before… it feels about the same.
- I have a family member who has been trying ground me. (which I try not to get hurt feelings about. My mantra… it’s done out of love.)
I think the thing that is making me not happy with myself is how I heard myself talk to my family member… I heard it… “You poor little mortal”
My head circus has been calling everyone poor little mortals. I do have a therapy appointment this week, and I will get to see my pdoc this week as well.
Opening it up… how do others fight off their feelings of everything being a sign?
Wow… sorry it’s so long…