Fighting off some sneaky brained thinking (Delusions of Reference)

First and mostly… an apology to all… If my ego has been getting out of hand… I am sorry. I was told two things last night…

  1. everything in the universe doesn’t revolve around me. (my abrupt brother)
  2. is there a possibility I’m suffering some ideas of reference again? (my sis)

Last nights family meeting sort of hurt my feelings… I was also told my waves of positive enthusiasm are starting to drown people. The waves are too big… no one can surf them with getting wiped out.

That was a bit sad for me… I know my Mom was trying to be delicate, but she was saying that I seem to be taking everything as a personal sign.

I’ve been pondering on this one…

I have been trying get back on solid ground since my fever and I’ve been trying to get used to not having my head plugged into the universe. But I just keep thinking the universe… the entire cosmos is trying to send me a message… trying to show me that path to great enlightenment.

I realize that on this board, we’re all working through some similar fog. So when people post about things… it’s not directed AT me or about me… but my brain has been locking into it and thinking… “they posted this… knowing I’m going through this… the universe told them to do this for me.”

Again… If my ego has been seeming a bit large… I do apologize and please be patient.

I’m trying to tell myself it all a coincidence. I’ve been so connected to every atom… it’s hard to ignore something as big as the universe. It’s all coincidence… I just have to hold onto that.

I do NOT want to go through my day thinking the universe revolves around my head. It doesn’t.

I don’t want to make snap decisions based on a fleeting feeling of this vibe… because I do know that delusions of reference is one of my symptoms… I’ve fought this sneaky brained thinking in the past.

But there is something in my cells that just screams… if you don’t do this… if you don’t sell your shoes and walk barefoot and turn your back on creature comforts the universe will quit talking to you. Then you will have no guidance.

I think the only thing saving me here is the fact that…

  1. like an immune system… I’ve fought this a few times before… it feels about the same.
  2. I have a family member who has been trying ground me. (which I try not to get hurt feelings about. My mantra… it’s done out of love.)

I think the thing that is making me not happy with myself is how I heard myself talk to my family member… I heard it… “You poor little mortal”

My head circus has been calling everyone poor little mortals. I do have a therapy appointment this week, and I will get to see my pdoc this week as well.

Opening it up… how do others fight off their feelings of everything being a sign?

Wow… sorry it’s so long…


Honestly? When I slide I will reach a point that I can’t see, but my wife can, and she is the one who herds me into the doctor’s office forthwith for the med adjustment. 95% of the success I’d like to attribute to my astounding insight (not) is actually the result of a very good person having my back.

Sucks to have an illness that tricks you into thinking you’re The King while turning you into a beggar.



I don’t necessarily know why or how I should (curb your enthusiasm), I don’t always think that’s right there are so many ways to put that energy into great work buddy. But yes I was too very elated and thought I had a special power at the beginning of my illness. Yet I don’t, I’m more of a powerless person in my perceptions now. I raked and burned leaves with my gf at the farmhouse and the weekend was really just spent at home. I’m very lethargic and negative compared to you I truthfully feel and I don’t think you should just (put a cap on enthusiasm)…just manage it and keep that feeling to survive YOUR next wave buddy. I hope any of this helps.


I’ve been there… I don’t have a wife yet… so it’s my sis and my parents who get to deal with me.

I just remember how grandiose it got last time. Still embarrassed about some of that… my family has long forgiven me… but like always… they usually forgive me before I forgive myself.

I can picture the serenity in that. The fall leaves… the small fire, the time spent with your gf on a crisp Sunday midday with a nice lunch. I hope you were able to have some time to reconnect to your GF.

Thank you for that… I will do that… and I am loving the wave.
I also know… it amps up… then it hits a point of no return. A few things and actions this weekend in hindsight has set off a faint inner bell.


Sorry no the universe doesn’t revolve around you BUT part of your families does :sunny: Sorry lame attempt at some humor.

Sometimes we can’t help what we feel. No right or wrong in that. Questioning the motivation behind those feelings is pretty big though. I’m thinking it will take a little time for the euphoria that the fever/flu caused to wear off. You got this!


If I think it’s a sign I try to wait a week then come back to that idea later.

My parents say it can be difficult with me when my mood is up I talk a lot and wear people out cuz I have too much energy. Then I abruptly change to not talking at all and isolating. But they are fairly used to it now


I could only wish to have a mania so exciting and enthralling again. My life has been lethargy and loathing…


I’d be in the same boat if I was taking a mood stabilizer. For now I’ll deal with the ups and downs.

1 Like

James I have never been able to fight off that feelings on my own. In my mind I once believed that I was the architect of multiple galaxies in our known universe and that the universe send me cues on when and how I should create. I can identify with you calling everyone poor little mortals. I don’t think that I have enough insight to talk myself out of delusions of reference. I’d try my best to recognize them for what they are as you have done and I hope that I will then get to my pdoc in time.

You have so much insight…I know that you will be okay!


I’m sorry you’re having a hard time; I still struggle with this, so I don’t have many techniques, make sure you talk it over with your therapist, and maybe have a bit of a temporary med tweak? Or just some emergency meds to take as and when? Just t give you a boost to bring you back down.

I know how upsetting interventions can be p, but just remember they have your best interests at heart, stopping the storm in its tracks.

Go steady James,
As you alway say to me; I’m rooting for you!


i also know how hard this is but in my case it’s true. the only question i have is, is it just me or are there other victims. i find it hard to believe that it’s soley me when it’s been such a professional job from the get go. i wonder if there are other girls or boys around the world with differing “delusions” and voices telling them the same old ■■■■. obviously they would be tailor made delusions and voices as you couldn’t have lots of victims all saying the same thing because sooner or later they would end up on sites like this and compare notes.

james you just have to know that in your case there are no signs from the universe. you’ve had a fever and the flu and it’s messed with your meds. that’s it in a nutshell. try and remain grounded and allow your family to take care of you for now. you will get better little bit by little bit, or maybe your next epiphany will be that you’re ill and need help. hope you get to feeling better soon hunni. all my love, jayne

1 Like

The one thing that my therapist told me that really helped me wipe it out is that it’s vanity. It grounds me in an instant if I start thinking that others are thinking about me like they have nothing better to do. It’s vanity that makes us focus on ourselves as different and more important.

You don’t want to be vain do you? I know I don’t. I have some lizard brain reaction to it, because I was self absorbed as a child. I wanted to get away from those criticisms from adults. I didn’t want to be a brat. I didn’t want to be singled out, so it really helps me. “All is vanity.” Ecclesiastes 1

A little later on it says:
A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains forever.

In an older version it says, “the earth abides.” This is where we get the phrase, “the dude abides,” from The Big Lebowski. I had to cite both religious texts.:wink:



awesome! I do love the dude…he abides I hear.

1 Like

Did you see The Big Lebowski thread. It’s called, If you see only one movie in your entire life.

1 Like

OK Surprised.You have schizophrenia and your symptoms are acting up. But all is not lost. You have your family and us. But even with that truth you don’t have to give up and let schizophrenia define your life. Just keep an open mind when all of us are telling you what reality PROBABLY is. It’s like AA says.There are “powers” that are “higher” (not in a drug sense) than you. Your lucky you have help at your disposal. Make the most of it. But sometimes a little ego can be helpful. I see relations between things sometimes. Sometimes I feel we all have a connection to each other. I mean just people around me and the general public. That we all need approval for everything we do to each other. Jeeez… maybe MY sneaky-brained thinking is acting up. Anyway, keep doing what your doing. Keep testing out your thinking and use the “SurprisedJ preservation team” to your full advantage. Of course everybody would be happy to see that you are doing good. Good luck.


i can tell you the universe is not sending you a message, it may feel like it with all your might , but it really isnt. I cant tell you how many times that way of thinking led me astray.

i call this connecting the dots.

the best thing to ask when you start seeing signs is “why?” am i just connecting seemingly unrelated events?"

1 Like

This is a hard topic to answer, but I relate to your logic. I base a lot of signs on dreams because they are more directly related to me. Dreams give me life lessons and advice all the time. Everyone is special, but some feel called to something more than others.

Maybe you are special in a certain way, and accept and embrace that as a gift not to be ashamed by this. We all have a reason to be here. Embrace the moment. Let go of sorrow or attachment. And if you feel that someone or something is getting in the way, try and find an alternative solution instead of seeing them as a block.

I used to say mantras. I used to practice distant healing and prayer more too. It always helped me.


I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who added here.

I’m working on staying grounded.

Talking it out here has helped, reading back on some of my recent stuff… and seeing it in print… and seeing that I need to keep a hold of myself.

Thank you all for the understanding.


Just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing better,
and feeling better. OO

1 Like