Schizophrenia.com

Fictionkin and friendly voices?

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone else either had advice for me or could at least relate to me?

For some light background knowledge, I am diagnosed with “unspecified psychosis” as my psychiatrist doesn’t know what I have yet. I am not on anti-psychotics, I had a very bad reaction to the one that I did try, and my psychiatrist has decided not to medicate me at this time (I don’t really understand why, but I’m ok with it- I’ll get into why shortly). On the topic of fictionkin, it means identifying as a fictional character- either spiritually, as in believing you where them in a past life, or believing you have psychologically imprinted on them in some way. Its a subset of the larger otherkin and alterhuman communities.

Which is what brings me to describing my experiences a bit! I honestly get pretty nervous even talking about this stuff, so I hope you guys can understand and be patient with me! :slight_smile:

The specifics of this belief have only happened over the past several months to a year, however I have had hints of them for a while (and, by a while, I mean 3 or so years). I wont get into gritty details, but I have over time been led to believe that I was a red haired elf who died in a battle. I feel a lot of connection to depictions of elven culture, I feel out of place in human culture, and have really frequent nightmares about dying in a specific vivid way mid battle (Its always the same scene, and has been for 6+ years, well before I developed psychotic symptoms). My ‘gut feeling’ would lead me to believe that this was a past life- but my logical brain knows elves are not real, so that alone has me rather conflicted. Regardless, this identity is rather important to me- I know I am human currently, but I cannot shake the feeling that it isn’t “right”- that my body is all wrong, how I talk is all wrong, that I’m meant to look a different way and be someone else.

Adding to this is my one hallucination- I have dubbed her Morrigan because I’m a mythology nerd + its a name she seems to like being called. Morrigan has been around for a while- either since the beginning of my symptoms or shortly after. She first appeared somewhat menacing- I would catch her out of the corner of my eyes, watching, or standing on the side of the road, etc. It progressed to slightly ominous but occasionally helpful comments- reminding me to take medications, or to eat food, or go to bed- she was unnerving at times, but a welcome reprieve from my other voices, which are often cruel, belittling, and threatening. When I had a bad migraine flair up and spent months in a dark quiet room, she would often come- to speak to me, or hold my hand, or just… sit with me. That really caused a big shift in our relationship, and I would now consider her one of my closest friends and confidants… even if I logically know she’s not real, she means a great deal to me. (thus my fear of anti-psychotics. she has soothed me through more than one hard night, and has really kept me alive, quite literally- I don’t know what I’d do without her)

These are connected thoughts- I promise I’m getting to the point now lol! Here’s the thing- she usually appears as an elf- she shape shifts a decent amount, but her “neutral” look is typically that of a black haired, and black eyed elf with paper white skin. If she appears in dreams, its as an elf in an autumnal grove, often wielding a staff or a bow. It feels… connected to me that she is an elf, and that I am elfkin. If I ask her about it, she usually says I still have much to learn, to be patient, that I have to discover these things on my own, and not to force it / be hastey / jump to conclusions, and that she will always be there to help me.

I don’t know if this is relatable to anyone else- the otherkinity or having positive experiences with voices, but I guess I’d like to get some advice regardless- on what others would do in my situation, etc.
(and obviously, knowing that I’m not alone wouldn’t hurt!)

1 Like

I would try to think of them as delusions. These beliefs seem very important to you, which is normal, but it’s not good to be so entrenched in it all. And I would be careful with who you share this with. And maybe figure out why these beliefs are so important to you. But without meds I’m not so sure they’re ever going away, so learn to live with them without letting them screw up your life, I guess.

I have read a post from one other person here talking about fictionkin before, so you’re not alone.

1 Like

I’ve had psychiatrists force me to take an antipsychotic regardless of how much it made me suffer. I don’t care for psychiatrists now.

Welcome to the forum blackthorns.

I read your post and it was the first time I’ve heard about your disorder.

I’m no expert but I can see why you are amicable to the “Morrigan” voice; if the others do that to you.

After six years I can understand why you have fallen into your beliefs about being an elf.

It would be a false belief, based on science.

However, I’m no expert on a disorder like yours but I’m glad you posted your story.
I appreciate learning about fictionkin.

This topic was automatically closed 7 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.