did i contract schizophrenia naturally or did i contract it by my mistake?
the reason i am asking is i was fine till i was 17 when one day i met a old schoolmate and he abused me and i took it to heart and deliberately pushed my brain in a schizophrenic state.
i am sure since that incident i realised something was wrong with my brain and it has been ever since.
what do you think?
since then life has been a living hell.
screwed up my graduation.
no job, no marriage, single till now, no gf, still a virgin, no progress, life has come to a standstill.
I have thought this myself. I took the SAT1 before high school. I didn’t skip HS Idk if I could’ve or if the SAT1 is for college students but it was an advanced SAT and I did well. I still have an above average intelligence. My IQ is 103 so that’s pretty good considering. I took the GED straight out the mental hospital at seventeen. I’ve been baker acted repeatedly since HS and bullied. I write in my journals how I thought someone dosed me with LSD because this girl gave me some pills and I lost a few days, right before my episode. The seniors then got kicked out for selling drugs. The school kicked me out because I had an episode. But they claimed no responsibility and never helped my parents understand what happened. I had reported the intense harassment and bullying and all they did was hire a therapist who said I might have depression. But it was not really depression. I just know I was acting more out of touch leading up to it, and even if I was dosed with LSD I also had schizophrenia. It just made everything worse and more intense. I also was so afraid that I wanted to explain the anxiety and confusion so I looked for any explanation to cover up my shame and embarassment.
The hospitalizations didn’t help me that much, but my self motivation did and researching philosophy and people who are different and unique. Like Einstein and Carl Jung who both essentially believed that everything was relative and connected. Don’t push too hard for finding the right person. I lost my virginity at 21 and I regretted it. Ironically, I was given LSD and got kicked out of college it’s almost like I suppressed what happened so I kept reliving it.
That’s why the Carl Jung therapy is amazing. I never had an actual psychologist in Carl Jung but I studied his techniques and he is brilliant. You explore your subconscious desires and beliefs and look for rooted behaviors that you can slowly begin to change to transform your life. <3
I use to wonder this about myself, if I contracted schizophrenia from this guy I knew who was basically crazy and super shady.
But I don’t think it’s possible at all.
Schizophrenia is a brain disease. Whether if it’s seeing into other dimensions, or synapses in the brain misfiring, or both, no one really knows. So it’s kind of irrelevant to even worry about the cause of it.
Just study the research and take the meds. I’ve had friends who were deep into metaphysics and even they told me that meds help.
I feel ya. I believe I was in a worsening and worsening mind state of anxiety and got bullied. Well my town there were a lot of bullies I don’t know if it’s different where you live. But there was a lot of pressure to succeed and get good grades and I just wanted to play baseball and then I got cut from the team and I had trauma previously and I fell into a schizophrenic mind state. Sometimes I think I was weak. Maybe at that moment I was weAkened. But I wasn’t weak but in the moment I was lazy. I didn’t know better. And I think I can relate to your story a lot because if I knew now I wouldn’t allow myself to get hurt so much but at the time I wasn’t as tough as I am now.
It really doesn’t sound too plausible. I could possibly see messing with your own brain and getting in some weird state of mind. But to believe that you can cause yourself to have years of symptoms or even permanent schizophrenia by playing mind games on yourself one day or whatever you want to call it, seems far fetched.
I’ll have to contradict myself and say there is such a thing as "triggers*. It is said that a person can be born with a propensity to become schizophrenic and some traumatic incident or doing drugs or some stressful event can trigger that person into becoming schizophrenic or hasten that person into becoming schizophrenic.
So you might fit into this category.
But I highly doubt a mentally healthy person can make themselves psychotic or permanently schizophrenic.
I mean the brain is a weird thing, I really messed with my own mind years before anyone I knew had a clue I was mentally ill at all. I used to take LSD and tried to hallucinate women, lol. I was 17 and I tried to force my brain to do it. It screwed me up a little temporally so I never did it again. Funny enough, when I had a friend in the board & care home he mentioned once that he tried to do the same thing on acid.