Feelings that Defy Explaination, and my thoughts on them

I’m sure some of you know what I cam talking about, those emotions that are felt that you just cant put into words.

my own example is the feeling, the instinct, that comes with being a ‘big brother’ and there are two forms of this.

Big Brother/Little Brother: That intense need to pick on your little brother, not to make them feel bad, but because you know, even without knowing it at the time, that it will ‘toughen’ them up for when they have to deal with real bullies. However, this feeling also comes with a huge protective complex, and a bit of an inferiority complex too (because moms always coddle the baby more). Only a guy who has a little brother or more could understand what it means to feel like picking on your brother, insulting him, sometimes harshly, just to turn around and punch some other guy in the nose for saying the same thing. To sum it up, its a “Bro Thing”.

Big Brother/Little Sister (or as some like to call it the 'Onii-chan Scenario): This is a feeling/instinct that is entirely distinct from the first one, you don’t feel the need to make fun of your baby sister, although you may feel like teasing her a little. This feeling, is at its most concentrated when an older big brother (a teen vs a toddler) first lays eyes on his new baby sister, there is an instant bond, a need to protect and a willingness to not only die for her, but to kill for her too.

This bond is not limited to new born blood siblings, it is quite common in older boys who suddenly find themselves in the daily life of a young child who is now a part of their family, be they foster or adopted.

I feel that people with mental illness do one of two things when they find themselves involved with a younger person. The either withdraw, out of fear of either feeling or causing pain, or they become hyper protective. In my case I have a very overactive ‘Big Brother’ instinct. I see a girl or a boy, who is younger than me or acts younger than me, and I find myself unable to detach from them, and spend every waking moment worrying about them.

Although I have yet to have kids of my own the old fashion way, my two foster kids, who will hopefully become my adoptive kids, have triggered the ‘evolved form’ if you will of the Brother Instinct, not quite a paternal instinct, but so much stronger than simply being a brother.

I would like to hear about the ‘Feelings’ others have experienced like this. Be it motherhood, sisterhood, or even the feeling you got when you accomplished something you thought you never would. Anything you have felt that simply defies your ability to form it into words.

Well I’m an older sister to a little brother, and yeah I picked on him a little bit when we were growing up, and also beat up kids who picked on him. I picked on him because he was the golden child, very spoiled and allowed to be mean to me with no consequences. So I made consequences. It was more like I didn’t want him to grow up to be a brat, because then I might not love him anymore. Although that notion turned out to be a farce, as he still turned out to be a brat and I would still bite jugulars to defend him.

I’m on the flip side of this, with 3 older brothers,
the oldest, was definitely over-protective of me,
the next 2 were bratty par excellence and made me cry at least every day…bruises, stitches, scrapes, sprained limbs…were the common occurrence.
They were soooo…bad, I got removed from my house for neglect (of parental protection).


All I can say is they prepared me for the real world, but knowing don’t make it hurt any less.
The only thing I have learned is that my mom was right when she said they couldn’t protect me 24/7, so I had better learn to protect myself.
She may have been right, but it was still hard to take as a 5 year old.

I’m sorry your other two brothers lacked the gene to develop that oh so important instinct.

I personally was always second best when it came to my siblings, I was the oldest so my parents felt I didn’t need anything extra like affection…maybe that’s why I have such a strong instinct to protect others, because I was never protected by my mom and stepdad…well not never, right up until my second brother was born I think, then they were so busy with my little brothers they failed to notice anything with me…at first I acted out, got into fights a lot, lied to teachers about things, and when it was brought t my moms attention she always told my teachers it was jealousy because I wanted all the attention. After awhile the feelings I had to protect my brothers became an excuse to act out more, so I let them flow and now its like this unstoppable river of emotion.

If you ever feel you need a big brother, even if you are older than me CSummers, just let me know, I’m only good at two things in life, bringing disaster to those I love, and being a big brother!

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