Feelings of an almost human nature

Knowing that you have to cut your emotional ties to the past so you can form new ones is painful. Not even ties. Desires. “Those things that I wanted so much, that meant so much to me. I have to let them go to clear my head so I can see what the world has to offer.” It feels like betrayal. I wanted those things because they held the potential to fill certain needs, and those needs can be filled other ways, yes. But the desires took specific shapes, had specific targets, and those desires are a part of me. And some of them seemed to define me in part for a time in ways I was very fond of. So it’s like cutting a piece of myself loose. The mechanism that transforms desire into regret just doesn’t seem to exist in me.

I should write this stuff down. I bet a person could get laid, spouting that crap. It reminds me of the central fallacy of Zen Buddhism. In the absence of free-will, subsuming yourself in the process of living your own life gets reduced to “be the ball.” Or maybe it reminds me that I live in a black and white world. Doesn’t matter much, I suppose.


I had to set aside certain hopes and dreams, too. It helped me to get better. But now, I’m recovered to the point where I have been able to pull some of those old dreams back out. Even if you set them aside, they may not stay there forever.

Yes, it’s very difficult to cut ties from the past.

I believe I’ve changed over time. I’ll be 53 in March, and I feel certain that I’m not the person I was 20 or 30 years ago.

The past is history, and the future is just a fantasy until it happens, so all we have is the present.

Everything is forever until it is over.

The past leaves a kind of residue in our lives and then even memories of them evaporate for good or ill. What can we honestly hold onto?

I’ve never been good at grasping philosophy like that. I am realizing that I need to cut ties with some one that befriended me when no one else would, because he’s planning on breaking my heart. :heart: