I don’t want to continue using online because people in my “cirlces” know I use the forum. It’s driving me into so much fear and coincidences are striking me into an elusive state away from reality
You can tell I’m psychotic or close to, because of the creative description of my situation
Idk what to do, shall I go back to therapy? It’s expensive but may be that’s needed ?
I had to give up on social media after timelines got switched to algorithm based instead of chronological order. The algorithm shows you things that are statistically likely to make you spend more time on the site. These things are typically things that make you upset, angry, or afraid. It wasn’t designed to make people miserable on purpose, but we are more likely to focus on things if we find them dangerous in some way.
There’s also the fact that people often share memes/posts without thinking too much about it. They’ll be half asleep, or wasted at a party, and giggling at things they would never find amusing if they were thinking clearly. I remember a time when my dad’s best friend shared a political meme he thought was amusing, without noticing the link underneath. The link was to a youtube video about the reasons Arabs should be exterminated. It hurt so badly. He didn’t even do it on purpose. He never bothered looking at the link. That was far from the only incident. I don’t want to be in a place where people I love accidentally show support for the idea of murdering me.
At first, I felt like I would be cutting ties with people. Like getting rid of social media would harm my relationships with them. Instead, it was the opposite. I used to get into a lot of arguments online with them, and that would make in-person interactions uncomfortable. Now that I don’t see every impulsive thing they share, I can focus on who they are as people, and the love and respect they show me in person.
I’m sorry that happened ninja, what you did was proactive though and takes a bit of mindset strength that I’m worried or scared of exercising.
Like I feel a lot of pressure to be more successful in life because of social media - everyone has a car, everyone regularly attends Gym, everyone has hobbies. It’s just really demanding and competitive for me in a way that I cannot even begin to be compared to peers.
When it concerns dating or casual meets. I get judged as undesirable, the fear of being seen this way is increasingly growing in me
I got called “you broke ■■■■” the other day, and it stressed me so much I went into Psychosis early stages - but it also hurt my feelings too because this person was initially being cordial but obviously she found “better” suitors to date/talk to
It hurts for people to say things like that. In therapy, I work on consciously redirecting the thought like this: “Wow, that is a person whose values do not align with mine. They saved me a lot of time by announcing that up front.”
It’s admittedly much easier to do if you have enough other people that you DO get along with. It’s more difficult to do when you’re already lonely. But it’s better to be lonely than with someone who would say something like that. That relationship would have been misery for you if it had gone anywhere. Just someone making you feel bad about yourself constantly instead of one time.
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