I’m just so upset. I’m doing freaking dumb dating simulator games because I’m so lonely romantically. I really want a boyfriend. But I CAN’T get one because of the stupid, stupid hallucinations, abuse blah blah you’ve all probably heard at least bits and pieces of the story before and I don’t really like retelling it.
It’s just not fair!! It’s not freaking fair!! I can’t even get away!! I’m just STUCK with my abusers because they’re in my head. I can’t run away from them, I can’t fight them or hurt them. The best I can do is keep them from attacking me, and even that’s really hard and takes an exhausting amount of effort many times. They haven’t attacked me since my God voice came back, but that hasn’t stopped them from talking to me.
And you know what else is completely unfair?! My nightmares!! They SUCK. In fact I don’t even know if I can call them nightmares. I’ll just be having a normal dream, everything’s going good and fun, I’m lucid, I’m doing whatever, and then someone or something out of nowhere will just come up and RELENTLESSLY sexually harass me. Instantly I lose ALL my lucid powers and I’m so dang HELPLESS. It isn’t fair!! I can’t get away from this!! You’d think sleep would offer respite from it, but NO not for me! I can’t get away!! God I feel like I’m just being eaten away inside. I want it all to stop. Managing this CRAP on top of everything else I have to deal with is just unbelievable.
I needed to rant, sorry. Things have been uber chaotic for me lately. Thank you guys for all your support again. This forum is a godsend, I swear.