Schizophrenia.com

Feeling like im already being judged by history. let me explain

first of all, im back briefly, this was on my mind today. i feel like im already being judged by history in a way by my friends and family who used to know me. i feel like they get together and talk about what im like. a little paranoia maybe, but they will all also probably outlive me and the same thing will happen when im dead. isnt it a little unsettling to feel judged by history? and can someone else really know the truth about you, or are they just piecing together a picture of you from times together?

also just learned today that dad is cancelling my streaming cable, usually i watch news 6pm-9pm so i may come on during those hours when i have nothing in my schedule. or he may go to a cheaper alternative and i may be away awhile. all i watch is 3 hours of news a day, haven’t even been watching sports lately. right now i used att tv, it was $45 bucks a month when we started but now it’s up to $70 bucks a month, and i only watch 3 channels which come on most services, espn, tnt, and cnn.

does having a good legacy affect your daily actions? i feel like im just going to live my life, and not worry about what my old friends say. trying to leave a good legacy behind would just change who i am, and have me doing things, i don’t want to do.

Thats bad. I just got an iPad. They have special cable for low income, only $9.95. I can watch Apple TV or rent movies or subscribe to other things.

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that fu-ck-ng sucks.

maybe you gotta pay?

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Internet streaming services, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Netflix are only about 10 USD a month as far as I know.

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