I have a weird issue where I feel depressed and sad when something good happens in my life. I get a pit in my stomach that feels somewhat hopeless. Kind of like I’m afraid of losing any amount of happiness I can get and it kills it.
It’s terribly hard to live in the moment and be present!
I get sad when people give me compliments, because I feel like I don’t deserve them, and I get upset that I can’t just enjoy them.
Are you comparing your happiness to anything? I used to compare my happiness to other times I was happy, and then feel sad I couldn’t feel as happy, and it really ruined the positive experiences for me.
After I stopped doing that I’ve become way more content.
Used to happen to me a lot, as well. Then I realised that it was just me cycling through moods very fast and I put it down to my illness. I was so accustomed to having very low states after a ‘happy’ (manic) one and no one seemed to explain it to me, that my brain was sure that any event that made me happy would bring on sadness, so I expected the worst each time I had good news.
Still happens sometimes now as well, but at least now I think I figured out why and don’t pay attention to the bad feelings anymore, or encourage the bad thoughts to develop.
It’s just like with delirious thoughts right after psychosis, while medication is taking effect you also have to do some sort of “mental hygiene” to stop yourself from thinking them. My favourite practice was to visualize a rubbish bin, since I am good at imagining stuff, and to “throw” the odd ideas into that bin. In my experience, with a good antipsychotic, this type of thought cleansing takes about 2 months to work.
Same goes with the delusion that something bad necessarily has to happen after some good events, I don’t visualize the bin anymore as I did some 4 years ago, I don’t need to, I simply dismiss those. After years of practice, it takes no conscious effort to do it, but it still is a bit draining when it happens.
Hope that helps.
I have that too… usually no really ‘good’ news in my life a.la. “If you’re happy for more than 2 days in a row – then probably they are hiding something from you. :)”
Wonderful reply Zupa, Thank you!
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