I am unfit to work, can’t volunteer (thinking about it makes me suicidal for some reason), not studying anything (can barely focus or concentrate on anything), hardly ever see friends, barely have any friends anyway, its very difficult for me to make friends because I find it hard to trust people. I just spend most days in bed because I have no motivation to do things… not even things I “enjoy” like writing, drawing, yoga, ummm that’s it I guess. Yeah I don’t really enjoy much. I still feel like s*** sometimes even though I’m on highest dose of SSRI.
Inner dialogue says mean things to me. Every time I go outside I think people on the streets are there to follow me and kill me. Every night I have disturbing nightmares and I struggle to differentiate them from reality.
Things move that aren’t moving. People turn into dustbins. Bugs appear and vanish and buzzes next to my ear aren’t actually wasps they’re just…nothing. Not real.
Talk to your dr. That’s way too big to ask of us. However, I send your way and hope you find a good dr! Meds can helpquite a lot though there are side effects that can be scary. But know that someone is always online here to give cool forum
Depression is debilitating in itself. People in my health care team keep asking me if I lay in bed all day like it’s a bad thing. Factor in delusions and life can be very tough. Just do the best you can. I want you to do well.
Personally, things got better as I got older. You need to quiet that harshly critical inner voice that you have. Maybe cognitive behavioral therapy would work.
Life can be hard sometimes. I’m still holding on hoping for better days and a better life. Some things take years of waiting. It took about six months for me to get SSI and I hope I can keep it for life.
your way and hope you find a good dr! Meds can helpquite a lot though there are side effects that can be scary. But know that someone is always online here to give 
