Feel like a pawn

ever feel like your a pawn to some people or to everyone and they use you out of ur own naivety?

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sometime I do feel like that. But when I was on drugs and drinking heavily, I used people as much as they used me. Users, use everything around them.

All. The. Time. I have a constant suspicion that my friends are just using me, and secretly laugh at me behind my back, and are conspiring to do something horrible to me. I know it’s just a delusion, but I can’t help but think it, and I’ll catch them, like they’ll compliment me and I’ll say to myself “okay, that’s a complete lie, are they mocking me?”

I’m a bit of a doormat sometimes, because I’m afraid of being abandoned so I’m as generous and forgiving as I can be, thinking maybe if I’m nice enough they won’t leave me.