I have come to the conclusion that I am afraid of being successful. I actually think it drives my psychosis part of the time. I have been in several positions that allowed me to be very successful. However it seems that I self destruct every time and psychosis always knocks at the door.
So frustrating.
This thread hits home, I know how you feel. I have the fear that as soon as I become successful at something my psychosis will flare up. Oddjob said I have the impostor syndrom too! Maybe it’s a bit of that…
My fear of success stems from this: if I was successful, people would ask me about my past. And that’s a red light.
Yeah, it’s a self full-fulling prophecy. I kind of feel I don’t deserve it but those thoughts are starting to fade. Bout time.
I feel ya.
And it’s not only with jobs. It’s every damn thing. Relationships, goals, etc…
Same here… Don’t you think it has a bit to do with the toll this illness takes on the self esteem? Fear of psychosis actually makes my symptoms worse. I don’t think I deserve good things, etc.
From a quick Amazon search… it has five stars so maybe it’s worth reading.
psychosis guilt is huge for me. If ya know what I mean.
i am right there with you. i should be a homeowner right now but i screwed up really bad and now i make a little over minimum wage and live with my grandmother. time to start over
Thanks @Bluey!
We are great punters aren’t we?
I have a fear of being successful because i fear everyone will try to take me down. But u just gotta put in the work anyway
I do know. I struggle with it everyday.
my old therapist used to try to teach me that i was self sabotaging. i had a very hard time wrapping my head around it. I drank and drugged to numb my pain but it only made me worse. then bam the psychosis hit hard and i have been in limbo for 4 years. i focused on what i didnt have and all the negative things in the world. We all deserve to be successful and healthy. let’s figure it out
Oh! You are doing something great huh? Gotta fix that! Let’s do something twice as bad or counter productive!!! Ugh!
I agree 100%. I refuse to let this control me anymore.
I’m just going to tell you something someone pretty smart said to me:
I know. Just don’t lay down.
i have actually felt guilty about becoming successful. my brain is so strange
Yep! I know the feeling. The brain is a strange piece of equipment.
“The brain… the ■■■■■■■brain”
-Albert Einstein