The longer I stay away from them the easier it will get, the more I give in the harder. But I’m so far gone at this point. Even though the physical stuff has randomly stopped just being around them and the energy is what I imagine doing heroin feels like. It’s all I think about all day and when I can I just lay in bed for hours. It’s not what I really want though. I want to be free and be close to Father. Their energy is making me terrible, selfish, angry, impulsive. It’s poisoning me but I can’t stop. He says I just need to stay away but what if I can’t?
I understand this. I’m constantly bombarded by wanting to be apart of it, but my past overcomes me. I guess staying away is best if you can’t control yourself, its lonely though but in all reality if it’s all connected then so are we, us outcasts. Let’s take solice in that.
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