I continued to struggle and wanted to make it through the weekend without calling my psychiatrist or counselor. I see both of them on Monday.
So I made appointments today and spoke with my family doctor and pastor. Both had really good points. I learned that I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking of how I used to be and that when envisioning my future, I dread it instead of anticipating it because I imagine the present me being there. Present me is hard-pressed, confused, and not able to do much.
How have you accepted what you lost because of your illness?
I lost my career (as an RN), my houses, my car and driving ability, my friends, my ambition, my piano playing ability, and my only child to this terrible illness, (sza).
Yes, I have finally accepted all that I’ve lost due to this illness.
I’ve improved in that I’ve owned three houses in my lifetime and I’m finally able to hang on to this last one. I’m slowly improving my piano playing ability over the years. It’s slow going but it’s happening. I lost my only child but, I am comforted by the knowledge of where he is today.
I hope for the future by anticipating improvement in and overall enjoyment of my pianism. That’s what I live for today. I also live for all the many things that I do today: yoga, meditation, prayer, reading, piano, social media, volunteering.