Extremely General, Vague, and Dramatized Report Triggers Panic In Streets Officials have no idea what this story even is All we know is that there is mass chaos everywhere Wise @rhubot urges calm as unknown disaster worsens
In other news…
Fake Forum News Establishes New Headquarters Nomad says “convenience was a priority” in finding offices for FFN In possibly related news, 19-year-old male arrested for bringing desk into men’s restroom at Macy’s, was reportedly mumbling about ‘panic in streets’
Longtime forum user @Sarad is officially a member Croatian local news covers profile upgrade Experts predict that the ‘new member feeling’ will wear off in 72 hours
I really think everyone needs to stay calm. Getting excited like this isn’t helping anyone. We need to figure out what we can do to fix it rather than wasting all our energy freaking out.
In case I don’t make it…in case this thing gets me…I just want this Sz forum to know that you’ve all meant a great deal of stuff to me. And thank you all for the things and stuff you’ve done for me!!
Hey, @Ninjastar. Sounds like you’re in a tough situation.
I think it’s natural, when you’re panicking and hysterical, to sometimes panic and be hysterical. I know that’s how I get when I’m panicking and hysterical.
What you’ve got to remember is that panic and hysteria don’t last long. Either what happens turns out to be not so bad, like a drunk and confused but kindly Easter bunny, or it turns out to be something really horrible, like a really horrible Easter bunny throwing Foreman grills at you. In either case, the panic and hysteria ends when you either get a bunch of candy for calling the Easter bunny a cab, or you get knocked out by a kitchen appliance. Try to remember that.
We have confirmation! The event in question is a horrible Easter bunny throwing Foreman Grills at citizens! Nomad, Patrick, were you struck? Do you need assistance? I guess we can look on the bright side. We now have a great way to make low-fat hamburgers! Just make sure you duck!
