Schizophrenia.com

Facing Reality

I think I’m losing my f****** s***. I’m losing my ability to play guitar, and it’s slipping away quickly. These f****** idiot voices won’t shut the f****** up while I’m practicing, and my playing is suffering for it.

Other friends have wives and kids, guitar and music is all I have. I can’t give up, I’ve already been through too much s***. There’s no f****** way I’m turning back now.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

I lose it every couple of weeks, and scream at the top of my lungs. The neighbours must think I’m cracked, but what others think is the least of my concerns. I have to get my chops back somehow. But I know practice is the only way to do that, and they go out of their way to interrupt it.

I’m so f****** sick and tired of it, and so f****** fed up

[END RANT]

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I’m sorry. I will pray for you.

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my brain can’t remember the piano note i played . i think i can’t pick up new skills without meds, i just dun have any “connection” with the notes that i played with my rotten mind ,i forgot their “characteristic” when being unmedicated………but i am still doing so, i really want to learn a skill of “hearing copy “song but it seems impossible for me with my situation

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Thanks @SkinnyMe I need all the help I can get

Sorry to hear that @schizophrenick it’s not easy to recapture that feeling

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though i am not very particularly interested in music , either before or after my illness

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sorry @dcragg65 just keep trying, that’s all you can do

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Thanks @leafy . I know you’re right, I am just in a major bummer right now. It seems every time I pick up my acoustic, I’ve lost a little more. It’s so f****** depressing, there are no words

Anyway, thanks for your support

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Sorry to hear @dcragg65 … i don’t hear voices but have intrusive thoughts that bothers me the same way and i shout to them to shut the … up.

I wish you a fast recovery. You are so talented with the guitar.

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Thanks @bluebutterfly , I appreciate you sharing. I completely lost my s*** earlier, screaming at the top of my lungs. I went for a long drive and parked down by the river for a while. It did me a bit of good, but I still had to call the crisis line and talk for a while

I’m hitting the point, where I’m just so f****** fed up. I want these voices gone. I’m going to talk to my doctor on Monday about hitting this thing with everything she’s got. I think I’m finally willing to play Russian roulette with my brain chemistry, in the hopes of ending this s***

I started L-theanine today, but I’m not feeling much hope at the moment. I even considered checking myself into the hospital, but I know how that goes.

I don’t know what else to say. Wish me luck

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I wish you so much luck… two weeks ago i had to check myself in to a hospital for two days due to suicidal ideation.

Let the steam out, it’s one of the things this forum is good for. We all do it at times in crisis.

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I’m sorry @dcragg65 try to get through it. This situations won’t last for a while. I do the same thing. I can’t play the drums either.

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Thanks man, more appreciated than you can know. Sorry to hear of your hospitalization, glad you’re feeling better though. Was it the intrusive thoughts getting to you, or more just depression?

I’m trapped in this cycle. I delude myself into thinking I’m doing fine, I’m good for a couple of weeks, then it goes downhill for a couple of weeks, then I am screaming my head off to f*** off at these idiot voices

I know from experience that this is just a s*** day, and tomorrow will look a little brighter. It feels like a poor me day, watch movies and weep intermittently

Yay, welcome to my beautiful life, LOL

Thanks for the support @Jake . That sucks that you’re not playing drums. Is it because of the voices, or Depression more?

It is because of everything put together. So how long have you been playing the guitar?

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It was just depression, and because i tried lithium and it didn’t work out.
Now im fine, and it’s only two weeks ago, so it might change for you faster than you imagine right now.

I know all about thinking im doing fine, but not being fine. The only good thing about being at the bottom, is that the only way is up. Best wishes.

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I couldn’t do it either, totally feel for ya.

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I hear you brother. It’s a lot to take on, isn’t it

I’ve been playing since I was 16, so almost 40 years. It’s hard to take when you used to be one of the top three guitarists in the city, you blink twice and your 55 and can’t play for s*** anymore. Well, I can still play but nowhere near the level I was at before all this s*** happened

That really pisses me off. I try to shake it off, and just accept my lot in life, but it really does piss me off sometimes

@Jake

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I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t get as pissed off as you do, because I am a beginner with the drums…but it still gets to me. What music do you play with the guitar?

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Thanks again @bluebutterfly . You are right, there is definitely nowhere but up from here

Thanks @Daze . Sometimes it’s just good to hear you’re not the only one

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Still, it’s a pisser that it gets in the way of you playing drums. I love all styles of music. I love Neil Young, but I also love Soundgarden. I write songs in both genres and everything in between.

I love it too much to Let It Go

@Jake

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