I have an extreme fear of Men. I don’t feel safe around them. If one tries to get close to me I will start backing away, sweating and shaking. If i am touched by a man I feel like I have to scrub that area and wash it sometimes to the point where I am rubbing away skin. If I am alone in a room with a man I try to get out, if cornered I start backing into a corner and shaking, sweating, panicking… my fiancee ‘K’ has found me rocking back and forth in a room she said i was in for hours after the event.
I work in a field where I do not come in contact with many people throughout the day. There is 2 males on my software development team and I keep my distance. I can talk to them but I maintain my distance. I have talked to 2 men this month for the first time in 15 years over the internet and I managed to be ok.
I feel horrible that I am this way towards all men. I understand that the trauma and abuse I received at the hands of a few does not mean that every man will hurt me … but I can’t shake these feelings. Is this a delusion and a result of the Sz or a flight response to the past trauma? I feel like a hurt puppy with its tail tucked between its legs and every time i see someone raise a belt I flinch, shake and cry.
Has anyone else been through this? What did you do to get over it? Is this likely a result of Sz or is it the trauma? I don’t want to be afraid of men all my life.
P.S. I am still looking for a therapist/psychiatrist locally. I have a potential dr that I attempted to make an appointment with yesterday and they were busy. I left a message and I am waiting to hear back.