Not sure what’s going on with me… But I feel disconnected from myself, from my personality, from my thoughts, from my life…
I feel like I’m not really me. I feel like the thoughts in my head aren’t mine. I don’t know who I am, right now. I look in the mirror and I see a stranger.
I’ve recently changed my UN on here from OcelotKitty to Blossom. I thought that would help me, cause I felt detached from the name “OcelotKitty”, which I had had since 2017. That’s a long time! And then I just randomly changed it.
But I didn’t stop there. I changed my usernames on every website I login to.
And I keep telling my husband that I want to bleach the brown part of my hair (the roots that have grown out; the rest is already bleached). Then I want to dye my hair a bright and fun color.
OR, I’d like to chop my hair off (he really hates that idea). I’ve never had a boyish haircut before.
I’m just feeling stuck. I need a drastic change. More tattoos? (good quality ones, though)
I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I need a big change. Something that will help me regain my identity.
Have any of you had a similar experience? Any advice?
It sounds like you’re trying to break out of a rut. However, the depersonalization does seem concerning. Whether it’s dissociation or merely a search for identity, I don’t know
It might be it’s the mania. It’s insatiable. It leaves you craving more sensations, More feelings, stronger, faster, harder. Don’t feed into it, go against it. Instead do things to calm yourself down like yoga, meditation, sipping tea. Watch the driving, sex, gambling and spending. (and drugs and alcohol if those are an issue)
I feel extremely disconnected from myself but I’ve given up getting better. Ipseity disturbance is a normal part of sz, so it’s not clear to me when depersonalisation ends and SZ symptoms begin. When I was in hospital I often fantasised about changing my real name and shave my head. My older self feels fake to me. I’m not sure what you’re experiencing is just depersonalisation or lack of excitement in your life.
hello @Blossom , I have a friend who felt the same way, she was very passionate about trying new things and wanted more and more excitement. I think, since you’re married you can try things out with your partner, fun outdoor activities, carnavals, raves, whatever you guys will like, or new stuff inside the house, the kind you do mostly inside
i don’t want to be rude, but there’s excitement in trying out new stuff, keep an open mind
For me personally, an identity crisis isn’t about creating a new identity, it’s about challenging something that I feel is part of me, and that is holding me back. It’s about letting go of my identity, and being open to sacrificing that part of myself that I am now ready to let go of.
All of the name changing, hair styling, excitement seeking, and mood swinging, is just a symptom of this one inner turmoil. Symptoms of my reluctance to let go, even though I am ready.
Sometimes it is easy to see what that thing is, like an addiction, or a bereavement. Other times it might be harder to see, like an attitude, a belief, or a traumatic memory.
I can only speak from my own experience, and yours might not be the same as mine. So it could be that there is something missing that you need to seek out, but I suspect it will be something you already have, that you no longer need.
