Existential breakthroughs

How do I stop being me? I want to stop being this way. Im tired of it. I am tired of magical thinking. I am tired of putting coincidences before facts. I am tired of the bs on the internet, the trolls, youtube, the people I meet in the real world are even worse. Seems like every taxi driver is cute as hell. But the destination is hell each time. I am done even wanting anyone. I will end up another month another year sex deprived, childless, and single stuck with a mother who is scared that I will leave her forever. Sounds negative, and Im not trying to be negative. But doesn’t magical idealism also lead to cynical nihilism. What is the point of putting effort into a relationship…I mean I am done I am not like them, I am not a psychic vampire but Im surrounded by parasites and vipers. So how does one rise above that? Does that make me a snake because Im wise and surrounded by them? Am I who Im surrounded with? Is there a purpose left to existence other than to wake up bored, drink coffee, and work for paper that kills trees and does it even matter if there is a purpose? I love myself. But I can’t exist devoid of human contact for eternal damnation, and damned if I do and damned if dont. So much unsolicited advice. Dont stay home, dont be isolated, leave but dont talk to that person, dont practice that pray to that dont pray stop believing take that pill that pill doesnt work take this do this tha tahreshewaiuh t w huiewa

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