Everything sexual makes me psychotic

I was like this all my life before meds before dz before I knew something about mental illness
When i had my first kiss almost ten years ago I felt paranoid, anxious, I was trembling, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, feeling uncomfortable.

When I had sex for the first time it was the same, only worse. The second time was with this super hot skinny girl, but it was worse then everything I have felt, the third time the same and the fourth, the five, etc. I tried blow jobs, not anything different then sex.

I tried talking sexy to women, the same feeling, I’ve tried flirting I felt the same.
I don’t know what to try anymore… Men?

Maybe it’s a trauma? Maybe psychoanalysis and analysis of childhood could give answers?

I also turn psychotic from sex. Didn’t always have that, started after some traumatic events. And it’s not at the moment itself, but afterwards I get so incredibly scared and guilty and paranoid… I obsess about diseases, pregnancy and being sent to hell for having had sex. Not really worth it. I decided to only have sex again if I ever marry someone. That seems to better fit my values too.

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The sex itself sucks but the idea of sex is such a turn on

I have no lust anymore. And lately I am disgusted by the genitalia. I know it doesn’t sound normal or healthy but it’s the truth.

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Who will Mary me? I cant even flirt because I get psychotic. How shoudl I let women know I’m attracted to them if just saying this makes me psychotic and send me into a spiral of symtoms

Even if I get married how I shoudl satisfy a women when I don’t feel joy from anything sexual

I get disgusted by private parts too - they’re so dirty even when I wash them
Don’t even talk about sex - I just do it when I have to but I can live without it

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I too can still be turned on by the thought of sex… but then it turns out to be such a disaster, that I don’t dare to do anything anymore.

I’ve been masturbating since I was in 6th grade, still remember the first time,

incredible discovery.

Didn’t do the wild thing til late, almost 21.

Maybe you could get emotionally connected first,
and feel comfortable about it when it seems right.

Hm… I wonder the same about myself. :confused: There are asexual women though, on some websites (OKCupid) you can actually select asexual women. If that would work out better. Perhaps it feels safer?

Or avoid it completely. I personally feel at times, I’d better not date or have a relationship.

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Yeah. I figure you’re married. You have to. Not saying that in a bad way

It be so good if this is the answer, most of my sexual experiences were with women who I knew little about. Another problem is that when I know something sexual might happen or If I have a girlfriend I know this will lead to sex because I have intrusive dirty thoughts and they are making me psychotic

I got intrusive just by talking to a stranger in the train and the thought telling me that I shoudl ask her to ■■■■ even if I knew her for about 5 minutes and I wasn’t even into her

Yeah I am married and love my husband very much so that helps me put up with it.

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I have desire for sex because I sound so good in theory and most of the time I forgot how awful it is, also when I talk with women I have like a maniac or hypomaniac state who push me to ■■■■ it up by moving to fast. I can’t control my thoughts

I was the same. I have a desire for sex, and it seems real nice and all, and I used to forget how horrible it makes me feel, so something happened at times, way too fast… and after I was like ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■ I should have known this! This is bad for me!

Now I genuinely avoid it, since I’m so scared. I actually just started dating with someone now and I told him I only have sex after marriage. And even then, I wonder if it’s a good idea to date.

I also truly think it is good to be patient with such things and only do it within a loving, safe and lasting relationship. I think one of the reasons I feel bad, is that it is going to fast and it’s not natural for me to be so close to someone I don’t know and love a lot. I used to find it difficult to assert my boundaries, so things would go faster than was good for me.

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Phil and I aren’t married

but I don’t need to be forgiven for our intimacy

I’m in love with him

I’m gonna talk about this with my therapist and hopefully we can work something out.
Maybe if i do it more I might start to enjoy it, I shoudl give it a try again, it’s been a few months
Maybe this new med combo I’m on will make me feel it enjoyable, but again i was talking with a women about sex and it made me psychotic so I don’t know…

@Daze

Of course, I don’t think other people are “bad” because they have sex before marriage. Many people I know love each other a lot and have intimacy and aren’t married.

But for me personally…waiting with sex is important. At least until there is a very loving and safe bond, but waiting until marriage seems like a good thing as well - for me! Especially because of my past.

@anon92220549 Yes, I think it’s a good thing to discuss it with your therapist. I discussed it with my nurse as well, but she is very christian, so she has strict views on this and I’m a little scared to be open. I hope you find a way to deal with it!

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When I thought everything was going fine and for a long time I actually felt good this ■■■■ pops into my mind. I guess I was to preocupa to notice it but it was always there and it ■■■■■■■ hell, I can’t enjoy sex, and sex is the best thing in the world, that’s what I heard

It’s definitely a shame, and I understand it’s difficult for you. I hate that it’s such a difficult issue for me as well and I deeply wish it wasnt.

But you also shouldn’t beat yourself up about it too much and make sex something that is the most important in the world. There are so many other things that are just as enjoyable, or more! Sex can be really fun and intimate for some people at some times, but it’s also a little overrated imho. Many people chase after sex at all cost, hurting others or themselves just for that, and it’s not really worth that. I have come to believe. Some people I know - healthy people - also don’t have sex for years. And they don’t really care that much. It really varies a lot between people how much importance they attach to it and whether it is enjoyable for them or not.

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