Hi, everything is going fine with me, I have good grades, I’m going to start working too But I hate myself for various reasons, I wish I were dead but I still cannot kill myself because of my family. I’m waiting for my mother and grandmother to die before me, so I can kill myself. Has anyone been through this?
Also been like this for months…
I’m disgusted by myself frequently.
I am useless.
Don’t lose hope. Everything changes
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You have to let your doctor know that you’re getting suicidal ideation. It could be because of your meds even.
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I sometimes, well frequently, hate existence and wish I was no more. I have a family that would miss me if I was dead and I have kids to take care of. I recommend you talk to someone about this as @everhopeful said, I am a bit of a hypocrite as I don’t tell my doctor everything but I at least get them info that I am depressed.
Hang in there, things usually get better. I am glad you have good grades though, what are you studying?
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thanks for the answers. I’ll tell my psychiatrist when I see her about this. I’m studing to become a vet assistant and a groomer.
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I tried to become a vet but I couldnt finish 6years of college, too much for me 
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After suicide what will you do? You reach hell for eternity and you can’t suicide from there. Devil is the one who tells you to suicide and he is the greatest deceiver of all times, wants as much people to reach hell. He assures you if you suicide everything will be fine and its a big lie never fall into his trap.
I think the part of some people’s depression is they suspect that we are existing under a crass, maniacal god that would allow for such…if there is a be-all / end-all intelligence and that’s as smart as it became it really doesn’t make any of this look worthwhile.
There is the dream realm ‘Bardo’ but I’m pretty sure there’s no use keeping you connected to that if the rest of you is dead as it appears to be a scarecrow to keep the brain stimulated during sleep and frighten it awake if it begins to shut down.
Also is ‘Fear of Hell’ the only thing God has to advertise its Life?
Like ‘Eat here because the only other restaurant is vegan.’
What if you found out after all this time that there was a conspiracy in place by a large portion of the world who consider themselves elite and more entitled whom play on others’ desire to belong thereby influencing their targets to forever go around feeling less than and seeking everyone else’s approval because it makes them very easy to exploit and put to work at nasty jobs for little pay?
Would this anger you a little bit?
Would this bring you to realizing that it takes two to tango and that you are only half of your problem; many others in this world are not much better and quite a few even worse than us when you compare their sense of compassion, consideration and ethics?
When you consider your value to others you should also audit those others - you’d be surprised when you take the time to look back and add it up
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