I feel awful. I have a headache. the world at work seems hostile to me in particular. I am trying to get on “my feet” so I can do more for myself and others but it is hard, really hard.
I feel like I have little help from anyone. I hate those religious programs out there that prescribe to you like medicine how to think and how to feel etc. etc. and that crowd always treated me badly.
judy
Hi Judy,
There is always something wrong in life - I can definitely relate.
But its probably also true that not “Everything” is wrong. Can you think of somethings that are right? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you eat on a regular basis? Sometimes its helpful to recognize and appreciate the things that you do have.
thank you for your input SzAdmin. I appreciate your caring and sharing.
judy
Usually when everything is wrong for me - it’s about what’s ‘wrong’ within myself., That - or I haven’t been taking my meds right. I haven’t said this before, Judy - it’s good to hear from you on this site.
There has been a lot of stress in my house for a few months now, and I have been having more glitch days then normal.
I admit, it’s been getting me down to have all these things happen big and small.
When my head circus wants to throw a glitch… I get really angry and depressed. That seems to magnify what’s going wrong which just makes it feel like more goes wrong which just makes me more angry and depressed… which just makes it feel like more goes wrong… on and on.
When I am having a really bad day I have to break the cycle. I usually do that by either trying one new thing be it a food item or an activity. I get out of the situation and go for a contemplative walk or I come on here and say hello.
As far as those religious shows… I threw out the T.V. long ago and I felt better the moment it was gone.
Have you ever read “Johnathan Livingston Seagull”? It’s a very powerful book. It always fills me with hope and wonder. Also, it’s about the size of a children’s book and it can be for all ages. I cried when I read it. I know I cry over everything, but this was a “feeling full of hope and wonder” cry which had never happened before.
hoping today is better for you.
take care
I actually had some hallucinations and delusions this afternoon. I dont know, it just happens sometimes, thats why I say Im 99% recovered. I dont believe in perfect recoveries, thats unrealistic. Maybe if you are super doped up on thorazine, but then you just sleep all day and cant have a normal life or even walk. I just remind myself that I am clinically insane and carry on and it goes away. Normal experiences convince me otherwise of delusions- like I heard my parents talking about one of my professors being appointed to analyze my behavior and I was like “no, i’ve seen his office, its full of paperwork and books, that guy does not have time to be part of a conspiracy, and conspiracies about being watched is stereotypical schizophrenic garbage” And the hallucinations are just the same as ever so that makes them null and void. If it’s people saying things that only have symbolic meaning to me, im just like “didnt happen” and ignore it. Usually this is quite mild and is nothing compared to the constant delusional thoughts and voices in my head I used to experience. In retrospect, im still 99% recovered from being 24/7 insane and symptomatic.
thanks for your wonderful replies and ideas too. I am feeling much much better today so far.
my Sabbath begins tonite and I am joyous about it. I just like doing it my way, not some way someone else made up or wants.
i’ll light the candles and we’ll eat a festive meal and i’ll have 24 hours to be with my family, to talk, to read, to walk, to peruse magazines.
love you, judy