Everyone I meet is asking me what I'm doing!?

No one ever asks me either. If they did I’d just say I have to take care of the dog.

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Stop meeting people. Problem solved.

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Yea I think that’s a good way to word it :slightly_smiling_face:

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Sometimes, when I am already irritated at the person, I look them dead in the face and say “I have a brain tumor and I am dying a slow, painful death.”

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It’s were some kind a deception needed.

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Tell them your working on recovery

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You and me both have nosey relatives I dont know what to suggest I’m in the same boat.

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At the immersive in Barcelona I just told I was a recent graduate in Health Sciences looking to start a career in the healing space.

They were okay with that.

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I tell them I don’t do anything but the point is that it’s not enough to tell them you don’t do anything, lie or misdirect, you sort of have to at that point find something they can bond over with you, something that makes them go “me too” or “same here” or that puts you on similar wavelengths. Alogia can be a massive pain in the ass there and it can get kind of hard to find something to bond over in general, getting such a sh*tty start doesn’t help things.

I don’t have much troubles holding my own in groups but bonding or getting people to bond with me is not a smooth process, it requires a ton of masking on my end just to smooth things over.

Some people keep up with current events and ask questions about whether others heard this or that. Some people give compliments about clothes or what have you and start asking advice and information from there, or perhaps dig for a story, generally from accessories, tattoos, scars etc. There are a ton of relatively low effort strategies when you start looking for them but the issue is that to me the question about what I’m doing is just a symptom.

The problem that comes out of that is that we have an incredibly hard time bonding with people, at least I know I do. “What do you do?” just reminds me of pretty much all the reasons why bonding can be more difficult for us and forces us to start from a less than ideal position. If it was a chess opening it would be like getting yourself into a board position where best case scenario if you play perfectly you end up with an even board out of the opening and any relatively tiny mistake can straight up cost you the game, pretty much like playing black on steroids.

It forces the interaction on an uneven playing field from the getgo. It puts you in the position not of sharing something but of needing to seek approval. When you avoid the question, or you lie, you still need to deal with that, you may prefer a different wording than seeking approval, we could say feeling a need to defend yourself because the alternative is often that we’ve already given up on the interaction.

You need to deal with that, keep the conversation going and find something to bond over and to shift the atmosphere just so you can get to what would otherwise be the starting point for regular people, not only that but once you get there you have already burned some of your time. In other words it puts you into damage control, you aren’t focusing on what to do in order to make things go right but on what you need to address to not have things go wrong, and that’s just draining and unfulfilling and staying home would have achieved the same with much less effort if you catch my drift.

Personally I think what messes me up the most in the current world and that makes my social interactions and bonding so hard is the fact that boredom is no longer a social emotion. It happened somewhere in the last what 15 years? I loved social boredom, it felt like my time to shine. I don’t know if you remember being somewhere with someone, not knowing what to do next, kicking rocks off the ground, you could literally make a weird face and bond over that, it was that easy. Now instead of turning to a bored person to bring back to life, bringing myself back in the process, I turn to someone that’s on his or her phone, it doesn’t get to rock-kicking looking for something to do while making eye contact visibly begging the other person to come up with anything. Being bored together is one of the things I miss the most of my childhood, now it’s like we went from group play in kindergarten back to parallel play when boredom gets involved. That’s what I mean when I say boredom is no longer social, boredom is no longer the great equalizer for social interaction and bonding and it’s sad, very sad that instead of looking for our fellow human we now reach for our phone when we are at our most willing to make new human connection(if we exclude trauma bonding), i.e. when we are bored.

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Mr. Newberry: What have you been doing with your life?
Marty: Uh… professional killer.
Mr. Newberry: Oh! Good for you, it’s a… growth industry.

When in doubt, channel Martin.

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Tell them you’re a mental health consumer. I’ll just straight up tell people I’m on disability. I don’t give a ■■■■ lol.

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