It was awful when this first started, began very heavy on my 9th day of a 3 month jail stay, so there was ZERO escaping this. I was actually seeing things too. I saw a woman saunter by and look at me, as she smiled an evil grin her eyes clouded over and her face revealed a demon. A few years earlier another incident sort of foreshadowed this all when I was all alone and something screamed in a harsh whisper my name, right into my ear, freaked the he’ll out of me. I had no clue it would turn in to this. In jail, I thought I must have been on some sort of new reality show in which I must ultimately get a WHOLE lot of money (and a mansion) for enduring all this microscopic critiquing of my private world. I couldn’t go to the bathroom (#2) for an entire 9 days, and when I finally did the whole cell cheered, utter humiliation. Over the years, the attention has died down. Overall, I’ve been frustrated to tears, but never felt true evil, or ill-intent, making me think it’s from God. I could write on and on and on, but it’s nice hearing from others, it’s pretty alienating, makes me wonder when I will graduate to become like everyone else and hence read THEIR minds (the way they do mine). So yes, it started as a big confusion, with me flipping off the air around me, convinced I was being videotaped (the precursor to having your entire mind read, much more than mere videotaping!). Till now, I function well, but I have a baby, I don’t want him growing up to hear all these people make fun of his mom’s thoughts and hear them too. Anyone out there ever grow out of this?
Welcome, no one can hear your thoughts, are you on meds?
I experienced thought broadcasting; it was not fun.
that’s funny you mention the mansion and what not because when I was in the psych ward in the hospital i thought I would be rewarded with a nissan gtr (a fast car) for my troubles. the fact is i gotta work my ass off for that car, it won’t be given to me.
Yes you grow out of this. It will pass. These experiences are very disabling. It makes me vulnerable to those never experiencing this. This sort of episodes changed my religious beliefs.
I know,huh! I eventually figured it out that the only real reward for me will be in heaven (that’s not a delusion). Here on earth, I’m working my butt off in the walmart deli, we are short staffed. Then I have to finish my vet tech classes, I almost completed the program but during those times when I was in those classes it was the worst. I had EVERYONE in the class critiquing my every damn thought. Hard to do! I hardly remembered anything! But the “delusions” often reminded me when assignments were due or when we had a test coming up. Nice talking to you. Hope your real, haha ok
I convinced my pdoc to prescribe 2 mg Abilify to me for thought broadcasting, after reading that a few people on the forum resolved theirs with a low dose of it too, and it seems to be working to some extent. I still feel emotionally connected to people walking by my house and talking, and it’s still stressful, but I don’t quite feel like they’re commenting on my thought processes anymore.
My best guess as to why it’s so effective for throught broadcasting is because Abilify is an NMDA antagonist.
I can’t hear your thoughts (and would have no interest even if I could).
Sorry to disappoint.
Yepz, I grew up being told by mum that devils can’t read your mind but can see all you do and so you had to not betray your thoughts to them by your actions and body language. Of course, angels and god could read your mind just fine, so if you thought of something bad (like, I dunno, talking to someone about how bad a mother she was to us, I guess), you were committing sins and had to confess them to the priest ( who, in reality, told mum everything as that was the practice for young kids. Missed telling her I was being raped, though, the absolute dickhead).
So I ended up thinking I was always being monitored and scrutinised, mum could read my thoughts if I touched her by mistake (dunno where that bit came from, though), and there was always an invisible eye in the room reading my mind and seeing my deeds.
This lingered on well after I stopped believing in all that god-and-demons nonesense, and I didn’t even try to masturbate until I was well I to my twenties, not to be seen (guess whose sex life sucked bigtime long after that).
I grew out of it, eventually.
Just don’t tell your kid weird ■■■■ like that, and they should be fine. Be healthy and happy, give them attention and don’t try to scare them into being nice. Better naughty now than sorry later, I suppose.
Good luck, and I am sorry that you went through that, stimuli deprivation in confined cells will do that to you even if you are a far more stable person than we seem to be on this forum.
Thanks for sharing, as well.
I was very sick and now i think im almost fine. So there is hope for you. I personally think that one of the reasons why there are delusions and misbeliefs is cause we are afraid. For example we are afraid our thoughts are not appropriate. there is no cure about it. As humans we are allowed to have the most effed up thoughts possible. And if we want we have the right to judge them…and want to change them…or not change them.
I know!!! That’s the hard part! I know from my 28 years of living WITHOUT this, that people don’t know what your thinking, but I can almost guarantee u that if we were in the same room, I’d hear and see u commenting on my thoughts, whether or not you really are. I live in a world all my own, for the last 6 years. And yes, my doctor did just put me on a new med, similar to abilify, I’m just waiting for it to get filled.
I still have mild delusions of being targeted by aliens, thinking they can scan my mind. I’m on a medium dose of meds so that the symptoms are reduced enough for me to ignore them. Taking more meds would start to slow me cognitively and that’s not compatible with my current profession.
Yeah, i heard somewhere that we are not to judge, not even our own thoughts, which is hard to do. God is the only true judge, and he judgrs our heart, not our thoughts. Thanks for the encoraging words though!
Zupa, good advice, “just don’t tell your kid weird ■■■■”! I wont, but I will encourage him to thrive, let him learn to trust himself, and let him make HIS own mistakes. He will have a lot of love from mom and dad, he’s our little guy, we love him a lot. Sorry to hear about all the trauma you went through, I also heard once that demons can’t hear your thoughts but angels can. I still believe in God and Jesus, heaven and he’ll, I just don’t know how this thought broadcasting plays into it all. Thanks for responding.
I respect your beliefs while I am agnostic about these things and prefer to keep it that way.
I just meant to say that my mom’s expressed beliefs were utterly and incredibly delirious, and if she is as sane as she claims, the only other explanation is that she was putting those thongs in my head on purpose, to be able to control and manipulate me later.
The latter explanation kind of fits her evil profile, so I will stick to it.
You will hear a lot of things about angels and demons and the like, but ask yourself: which ones really help me and my child’s development in real life? You will find that none does.
I am not saying to not believe in any god and afterlife you feel like you can believe, far from me. Just make sure you understand that people telling you very specific and descriptive things about things you want to believe in actually have no more clues than you do, they are either imagining things, repeating things imagined by others or worse, repeating things imagined by people who were delirious, thus triggering your illness.
Truth of the matter is, what you can’t see can’t harm you, so if you can’t verify surreal presence in your home watching you and listening to your thoughts, please ignore that concept and leave a happy life. Same goes for what you teach your kid. If you want to teach him religious morals, fair enough. But details you don’t know of but have heard of about how the underworld and afterlife function, that’s a big, big trap. My experience is a living proof of that.
I also feel that aliens read my thoughts…
How long did it took you to work that out?
You know, I’m still experiencing it to a small extent- I think the whole experience has effected me to the point where, even when people aren’t responding to my thoughts, I just assume they can still read them. But it has changed a few of my bad habits, not all of them, and I’m much quicker to talk myself out of anger and other unhelpful ways of thinking. I wonder why this kind of stuff doesn’t happen to murders, so they will have everybody on the street screaming “NO” to them when they want to kill, things like that…
That’s why I think this was God’s only, last resort type of way of reaching me. This has been the only thing that has seemed to put an end to my meth addiction. That’s when people start telling me to stop, and I listen, it’s no fun to get high when everybody knows and puts you down for it.
Or you can say it was caused by the meth, then ended the meth. Haha