Things you can’t talk about because you rightfully should be ashamed to have them? Because the truth is everyone would see you differently.
Some things you don’t get to talk about I guess.
8 Likes
Yes. I have a delusion or delusions that I absolutely can’t talk about because they are embarrassing and nobody would agree with me if I divulged them anyway. I’ve mentioned them to at least three people and all three said my delusions were ridiculous and so far off the mark it wasn’t even funny. But, I still suspect their truth.
I don’t think you should have to feel ashamed for a delusion. You didn’t choose to have the delusion. You aren’t controlling it.
2 Likes
I get intrusive thoughts that I can’t talk about. They’re mostly disturbingly violent and/or sexual in nature. I am not ashamed though. I just think talking about them would make them more likely to occur. I know I can’t control my weird, random thoughts.
4 Likes
I get the same @Ninjastar. Last year I had a really bad time with sexually explicit imagery to the point of making me sick. I hate intrusive thoughts they’re probably the worst thing, and I feel so bad about having them. I just opened up to my girlfriend about one of my most shameful intrusive images (sexual) and she was really supportive… I wish there was a cure of the mind
I am almost the opposite - for me my main thing is I want them to KNOW I know of their existence so I talk about them almost in a spiteful way. Even typing now, I’m taunting them. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks when I get really bad because they’re just part of the simulation anyway
@doodle, what helped me was learning that almost everyone gets these random disturbing thoughts/images. But for most people, it doesn’t bother them. They just think, “huh, that was weird,” and move on to the next thought. But for us, we get stuck. We worry that having hear thoughts makes us terrible, we obsess over the fear that we might actually do these things, and we panic. Then we try to suppress the thoughts, but that makes them happen more often. What helps me is, whenever they come, I think, “This is a random, meaningless thought. It happened because that’s how human brains work. It will soon be replaced by another random, meaningless thought.” And then, I just let the thought drift through my head without paying attention to it.
2 Likes
That’s a really good way to think actually! Thank you @Ninjastar :)) 
️ I wonder how others go through life so easily. Want to know what my mom told me ? She said, “I want to know why people in war ravaged countries don’t have all these mental problems. How do they cope?” @ me when I came back from the hospital the first time. It’s funny how others can think some things, and dismiss it, while for us, it’s like a spiral. There was a point where seeing any sort of “sign” would give me a panic attack
There is a huge problem with untreated mental illness in developing nations. I watched a documentary about a nation who chained their mentally ill relatives to trees to keep them from running away or hurting themselves. They would go and visit them, and try to cheer them up, but they had no services or means for keeping these people safe, so they just stayed chained to trees all day.
2 Likes
That’s terrible I had no idea … I imagine it’s very difficult for them holy smokes. I would hate being chained up it’d just make me worse
1 Like
If you feel like crying, this is the documentary. You can show your mom if you like. Mental illness is a universal problem.
2 Likes
my delusions during my dark days of being chased by the devil I imagined all kinds of blasphemous things that I thought the devil was doing…horrible things unspeakable.
I have put them behind me and have accepted the fact that it wasn’t me thinking up all these atrocities, it was my sick mind.
During my last psychotic break I had some incredibly f’d up violent, sexual delusions, false memories. Too f’d up to discuss with anyone.
The only person who knows about them is my ex-wife, and that’s only because she walked in on me screaming about them at a nurse in the psych unit. That was the one and only time I got put in a psych unit time out, drugged and left to chill there for a while.
Well, I suppose the other patients in the unit heard about them, too, with me going off on the nurse right in the day room.
Absolutely mortifying I have no words… thank you for showing me
1 Like
I wish I had blacked out for my psychotic breaks, there are so many things I’d rather not remember. I had just three of them, but they were downright traumatic. My ex claims I hallucinated during that third break, something I don’t remember doing, so I suppose I didn’t retain all of it. I remember hallucinating for the first two. Sorry, I know this is going a little off topic.
What if this delusion came with a coded message that confirmed what you thought. Plain in text. I now figured out what the “code” meant. It meant something but it didn’t actually support my delusion. But still, that night when I saw the code for what I thought it was I must’ve had a heart rate of 150+. I’m surprised I didn’t hallucinate tbh.
I recognize it was just a delusion. But I wanted it to be true.
Im probably being really vague
i feel weird telling anyone about any delusion honestly, i mostly keep them to myself which is a reason my mental health providers didnt even know anything was going on w me when i was becoming psychotic. i held it together in front of them very well. i also have a lot of intrusive thoughts that i will never admit to because a. theyre gross and disturbing and bother me and b. i dont want someone to misconstrue my intrusive thoughts as being desires or anything
1 Like
Telling my providers about the content of my intrusive thoughts caused them to terminate services. It was a big mistake resulting in ongoing difficulty obtaining services in the present. I thought I was SUPPOSED to tell them about violent thoughts I couldn’t edit…and I was wrong. Never again, no matter how bad I feel. I’ve been having thoughts of hanging myself this week and learned to tie a noose, but y’all are the only ones gonna hear THAT thought.
don’t confuse your intrusive thoughts with yourself man…I know it’s hard…they are humiliating to me when I have them but I quickly change my direction in thinking of something else to end the thought…you might try that…
Mine are usually erotomania about ppl I’ve watched on YouTube & another where im being constantly interviewed by talk show hosts about embarrassing things in my life.