my bro and I used to share a bedroom. and one time, my heart was broken. but at that same moment, my brother walked in and started casually talking with me. It was the worse time for him to talk to me, but he had no idea.
I could barely speak. I was feeling very very bad, like I wanted to cry, but I kept cool, I guess…
I really don’t know how I kept my cool. happy I did though.
sadness comes to us and the oddest times
Are we talking broken like depression or broken when the onslaught of voices and delusions break you so that you loose complete touch with reality? I’ve felt both before. I would say that the second one is worse because I think that does brain damage. They both suck. Hang in there SirBoring.
I felt that way today. My roommate was being condescending and scolding me for not being as environmentally friendly as her and my other friend. I recycle and never litter but they go all the way and never use plastic anything, bags, plastic ware or plates or cups, water bottles, nothing. I use these things primarily because they are 1 million times more convenient for me, especially when I am not doing well and can barely keep up with cleaning dishes. But they are also more convenient when I’m doing well too. I also use them because I have an issue with contamination and feel that reusable things aren’t clean anymore and just feel gross even after I wash them. We can’t even use the dishwasher at my apartment so I have to use the sink so it’s even worse.
Anyways she made me feel just very awful and like a bad person and she even said “you don’t care about the environment!” And I want to care and would like to think I care but I’m afraid I actually don’t care because if I did I would try harder right? But I just do what’s convenient and what causes me the least discomfort…like telling the cashiers to take all my stuff out of the plastic bags when they already stuck it in makes me uncomfortable…and she said it made her feel that way too but she still did it for the environment…
And I’ve been feeling guilty about other things too like not keeping up with cleaning very well and she brought that up too and I just felt very bad today when she was basically roasting me for all of this. I have so many battles and challenges in my life already that I just don’t want to add to them. Is that so wrong??
I think all you can do is try your hardest, and if that isn’t good enough for some people then there’s nothing you can do.
All anyone can do is try to be as nice as they can. All you can really do is try. Some people are determined to tell you you’re no good, even though you try your hardest.
Are you broken at the wrong moment or did your brother talk to you at the wrong moment?
I know i wouldn’t treat a guy with an injury a certain way. I couldn’t say he broke his leg at the wrong time now could i?
if he accidentally broke his leg right before a marathon he strove to participate in… then yeah…
I think this is kind of linked to my paranoia too -
like one time I was at a dinner party and just chilling with friends - suddenly this whole sensations came onto me that I needed to leave and just felt totally out of place and nostalgic - it is some remnant of paranoia in my opinion - on meds.
It is how it feels to when i come back to reality.