Even worse than not being wanted is having to keep quiet about it

When my father was told mother was pregnant with me, he beat on her head really badly. It affected me. I am not a good listener. I used to be a perfectionist listener but it was only because I thought it would earn me my death.
Yes, I am immobilized and depressed by this. I also don’t know if I can improve my state of health. My only comfort is knowing my father is dead and that I am in a better place now. Shrinks only remind me of my father so they’re not much help.

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