Even the magic in life to whom i aspire is a delusion isnt it?

otherwise, I was also talking about the derealisations… I still live a lot in my head and it misses me my ‘‘real’’ me. I also think that some relationships can be magical but not all…
but yes, I am still wondering what is the normal state of mine? I am afraid ill never know it… maybe, its a question of feeling a real ‘‘me’’? its definitely not normal here still… I often ask myself- do I lack some kind of norms of society or its the opposite- a liberty? I guess its a kind of balance but this derelisated stuff is haard…