Episode Buildup

Yeah so I’m probably going to be in a full-blown one soon. The only way for me to prevent them before they happen is to have absolutely no stressors for a few days during the buildup, which is impossible in college, things just snowball.

Anyways I recognize the buildup because a) the voices are getting much more in my face, generally they’re in the background and I can choose to interact with them or not, during buildups they interact with me more and more until it reaches a peak in my episodes.
b) Paranoia, been scared at night and thinking my friends don’t like me and have been avoiding me (they haven’t)
c) Normal things becoming unbearable, don’t want to go to any of my classes (recently realized I develop really negative thought processes during this)

Anyways yesterday I was arguing with Norda (one of my voices) a lot over my friends (she was convinced they hated us and wanted nothing to do with us) and last night was plain weird. I don’t outright hallucinate but my perception of things gets very twisted. I was convinced that stuff on my desk was a cat that was watching me. The voice of a little girl kept telling me to “keep my feet under the covers or it would nip my toes.” She also made a big deal telling me not to let the cat under the blanket, and if I moved the blanket it would get under. My stuffed monkey’s hand was under and she said it was ok, it was trying to plug the hole so the cat couldn’t get in, the monkey was on our side.

Meanwhile all around I saw my roommates stuff as fairies, in pretty dresses. They wanted me to play with them and when I got really scared they would yell “WAKE UP!” And I would snap out of it. The clothes in my closet I saw as a band. The streams of light falling on them were their instruments. They played a trumpet, a flute and an accordion.

It was so weird. I HATE episodes.

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Sorry youre dealing with this! Stress is awful. I dont know how to avoid it. I just think that since its always out there-you just have to think---I am not going to buy any stress today--its always for sale. But so is the good stuff! Buy that! I`m catching up today, so you are probably doing ok by now.