The last 6 months or more has been pretty rough, my depression is as bad as it’s ever been, and I’m feeling increasingly detached from physical reality. I always feel like I may be dreaming, kind of like being muted or wrapped in bubble-wrap. I was already dealing with major depression when two of my pets died in two months. First, my dog suddenly fell gravely ill with an abdominal cancer and stopped eating. She passed after a month, at which time my cat began acting very bizarre, crying constantly, wandering, hiding from us/isolating, and also stopped eating altogether. He also passed within a month. Of a broken heart…
I went from 180lbs to my now 130 since June. I’m getting sick every time I eat, and feeling worse than the hunger pains feel. It’s bad, I’ve got major atrophy on one of my thighs, and never any motivation to do anything. Most days I have a hard time even just laying around all day.
But I didn’t come here tonight to whine or wallow. I’ve been on nearly every class of antidepressants, antipsychotics, alternative supplements, nothing has helped. I take mirtazapine, but this is the only drug that’s ever been in any way effective. I’ve reached the end of my proverbial rope. I’m exhausted and just want to feel what it’s like to smile, or cry, or feel any emotion besides dispair and anger. I feel like I’m nearly out of options, and that the penalty for my failure is my body just fading off into nothing. I did a lot of research and talking with my wife, then asked my doctor about electro convulsive therapy. I was also interested in learning more about ketamine infusion therapy and whether or not sza precludes me from that, but I’m on Medicare and the treatment runs around $5k-$8k. Unfortunately not even something I can consider.
My doctor agreed that ECT could be a good option for my treatment, and I did all the preliminary exams and received my referral. I have the evaluation appointment the day before thanksgiving, and was told I could start treatment immediately after. I’ve also got epilepsy and a bunch of other combat-trauma-related health problems. I feel like the epilepsy (I’ve been seizure free for 4 years) gives me and my wife a unique prospective on the treatment, as we both know what a seizure is like and she’s an expert at dealing with that state of my mind. But who knows.
I’ll be honest and admit to being scared, or at lease sufficiently nervous. I’ve read every paper, study, pdf I could find regarding ECT. I’ve been talking with my family and friend about it. My friend said his mom had it done and that he thought it was a bad idea. I’ve never known anyone with firsthand experience.
Has anyone here had ECT for major depression? I’d love to have a conversation with someone who’s experienced it (or a family member). Like I said, I’m really nervous, but I also understand what’s at stake. I need to be present for my wife and family.
More than anything else I just would really like to talk with someone about it. I don’t exactly have many close, trusted people aside from my wife. Outside input would be really helpful to me. If nothing else, I think I just need to acknowledge my fear and figure out how to proceed from here.
Thanks for reading. Sorry I’m not more clear in what I’m asking for, I guess maybe I don’t really don’t even know…? take care of yourselves. Good night.