3 factors that ring in my memory long after the worst of scz is over are the consecutive ingestion of suggestegenic drugs, the belief that everyone were telepathic, and religious supernatural law so to speak.
The thing about it is that those years I lived that way had memories, but they were not real.
That is to say that they were not coherent with objective reality because my subjective awareness of myself, others, and objective reality were all false due to false assumptions about reality and…
…very much due to a psychomimetic vale which which would not allow me to know what was really going on because of the mimicking of psychosis that the drugs caused on my mind’s perspectives.
So anything that I was remembering was not real in the sense that someone who is sober, has good social ties, and who works or goes to school is experiencing reality. They don’t experience the psychosis mimicking vale over reality, so all of their memories of learning and learning the ropes of life are sequentially sound…
…while naturally my 3 years this way of trying to learn the ropes was not sequentially sound because most of the things that I was believing in and thus remembering about everything I was experiencing in this world and in myself was not real.
An unreal past cannot create a real future.
No matter how many letters in the alphabet you add together, they still don’t add up to 18.
But if I do not have a real memory in those 3 years for example as scz was slowly coming on, what did I learn.
It’s impossible to say that I did not experience anything, so my brain must have developed.
And if my brain developed, what did it develop into.
No, not an athlete. Not a worker. Not a bilingual speaker or musician. Not even a hot dater.
It developed into a self talking psychotic that saw things under the guise of drugs as though people and fake beings from myths were pulling the strings, using telepathy, and reading minds and even mind controlling me.
That’s what I learned, and I truly believe that is how I became stuck in that kind of delusional paradigm which is what we know of as scz.
You have an awareness that what you used to believe to be true is false. You would be stuck if you didn’t have this awareness.
Think of a person who is an alcoholic. If he doesn’t have an awareness that he’s an alcoholic he’ll simply continue to drink. You cannot fix a problem if you don’t believe there is a problem.
You’re aware of your false thoughts from the past, so now it’s time to board that present airplane and travel the world without having to check your luggage.
I don’t do drugs. I don’t think that’s what you were implying, but I’ll just be on the safe side.
The brain is what they call “plastic.” You can literally code it to perform things either internally or externally and internally.
So when you learned to speak English, you were not soon to forget it nor what is considered moral and normal culturally to your brain. This is what I have done during those 3 years headed into scz. This brain is not soon to forget because neurally it was cast into stone so to speak.
I can know these things, but the brain still processes that jalopy software, so maybe it is more like hardware that was “molded wrongly” so to speak.
The alcoholic was purely an analogy, but if I was unclear about that I apologize.
I believe you’re saying that a fundamental part of your brain is not wired correctly, and it’s a fixed condition. However you can still improve your current cognitive condition.
Something is better than nothing, so it’s worth your time to try to improve your cognition. The flu shot isn’t 100% effective, but I still get a flu shot because I’d rather have some protection rather than no protection.
I realized today that in fact if the psychomimetic drugs can mask reality from the patient, then the anti-psychotic drugs can mask the psychosis from the patient.
In either case they are writing your history, and it is your history that forms what you think, how you think, and the shape of the world that the brain creates into its mind.
Helping the future self that one is to become by keeping the way that life, the world, the self, and other people are experienced non-psychootic and definitely understood in logical natures that reality is and functions by…is critical to being well, living logically, and most of all thinking and acting practically for survival.
One cannot help who one was in the past, but one can help who one is to become in the future.
I have never not thought thankfully about who I was in the past while realizing I was the only one that could possibly have helped me today the way I needed it and for the rest of my life.
Sometimes there is no one else or now way else other than to help yourself today in your past, so that yourself in the future is all set. No other way nor other person.
