Dreams deferred

What age did you realize your dreams weren’t going to come true? How did you deal with it? What age were you?

I realized most of my dreams were delusions of grandeur. I’m coming up with more healthy and realistic dreams.

Age 14, learned that people with a heart condition like mine will never become a professional pilot. They won’t even let me fly a civvie aircraft and I’m lucky I’m allowed to drive motor vehicles.

Age 23, broke my back, was the end of being a chef. Can’t physically do the cleaning required of a kitchen job now.

That’s okay, a person can have and follow more than one dream. I’ve done okay overall.

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23 had a depressive break which I got over by smoking copious amounts of weed.

At 29 had psychotic break but meds were a godsend. I realize I’m like 1% and have loved my life since then. Had real relationships with women whilst medicated. I got out of work which was a major stressor in my life which leads to more symptoms.

I’d say I just learned new dreams. It’s different from most but I live a realized life where I’m in control and have as much fun as I can!

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After my first psychotic episode and diagnosis. I realized I’d been waiting and waiting my whole life for the right circumstances to happen for me so than I would get it and be happy like everyone else. Had to change my whole outlook and expectations for myself. I finally do have times when I’m kinda happy and ok with my life now…it’s much more freeing than whatever it was I was chasing before.

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Since I was 5 I always wanted to be in the military in the frontline. I realized at age 13 that there was something wrong with me. I only told my best friend because we always kept each other’s secrets. He had similar issues and had been to the psych ward before so he told me to keep mine a secret. The day I turned 18 was also the day the Pentagon declared that women could join the military as hand on hand combat duty. So I went and enlisted. After 2 weeks of boot camp I was having a lot of episodes especially at night I was reported and then kicked out of the military. I was sent to the hospital but soon released cause I refused to speak. I was 19 when I realized that my dream of serving my country would never happen.

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I haven’t given up on my dreams. I sold a small business even though I wasn’t doing great mentally to pursue a new field in cyber security, it’s a lot to learn but I wanted to pursue it as it’s interesting and has great potential. My business was my comfort zone, I coulda stayed there but I decided to give myself a kick in the butt. It’s tough but I’m going for it

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Let’s all cry together about dreams deferred. My heart is shattered. I just wish I could accept my mi.

Accepting is tricky cause I know I get those doubting hopeful moments when I think maybe this is a mistake or it’s over but two minutes later a symptom shows up and it’s back to oh yeah I’m ill.

I have adjusted my dreams many times, but I don’t give up.
I know I can still have a good, valid life if I stick to my values and don’t give up the fight.

For an example, I dream of becoming an illustrator. The school for it requires a higher education than the one I have, and school is hard for me.
But maybe I can do it one subject at a time, or work on it on my own and send my things to publishers.

Dreams should be realistic. There’s no hope, nor point, in dreaming of being the world’s tallest man if you’re a woman with dwarfism.

I gave up on mlb baseball dreams at 14 when I was cut from my high school team. Then I had no dreams for 7 years after that. Maybe said “I should do this” but never desired much. Then I became grandiose. I’m the chosen one. Blah blah blah. I can’t erase the mystical aspect of my life fully. But I’ve just accepted what is will be whatever whoever whenever. W/e. And I still have delusions of grandeur but they don’t run my life so much and I don’t care so much for those delusions anymore.

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