Double meanings and self-references

Before getting sick I was a person a little shy but sure of myself. That self-confidence came from considering myself intelligent and capable enough to perform in my studies and get good results. In addition, I have always surrounded myself with kind, cordial and sincere people. As sincere as someone can be without being a fool. And in general I used to feel happy.
In my adolescence I noticed that I was bad at taking the hints. I was perfectly capable of using them but when they were addressed to me, I was not a very agile person in grasping them.
When I got sick, this got worse, I started to have problems interacting with people and my communication skills decreased a lot. Since then, people started to abuse my naiveté, fooling me, betraying my trust and telling secrets that they promised to keep. And, mainly, taking for granted I couldnt read between the lines in the most of the situations that involve a bunch of people and me.
However, I began to develop an excessive suspicion, double meanings were turned in self-references, and I began to catch bad intentions in all those around me.
The years went by, and I became more vigilant, I began to analyze the social contexts and facial expressions until achieving an equilibrium between both extremes and this drived me to discard friends who do not deserve to be.
I do not know if I’m doing the right thing but I feel better now that I’m not living a lie.

I ask for opinions and advice. Thanks in advance.

Do you know if you suffer from paranoia? I am not trying to discount your experiences, yet it was the first thing to pop in my head. Have you discussed specifics with a therapist or someone you trust?

I’m not very out in the world after my dx and I’ve never been very social adept. But the way I look at it is be a little suspicious of everyone in general. But if you choose to trust someone, do it whole heartedly. You have to sometimes let your guard down with people you trust and give them the benefit of the doubt until they give you a good reason not to. But, again, keep that number kind of small if possible.

Dont think deep in words usually they dont mean too much
Also there are bad people and good
limit your talk with bad people
Although sometimes you ll have no way except to deal with them
Forgive and send love to everybody so that it will return to you

I think you are a smart person while trying to safeguard your real person inside at the same time.

However, it seems like you are having problems with mental faculty.

Of course I have mental problems. I’m just saying that I try to deal with them in the best possible way in my circumstances.
However, trusting fully everybody has brought me problems, and taking into account these social experiences, I try to do what is best for me.
I know that I have some close relationships. But I just try not to be very confident with people who I dont know well.

Well, the problem is that I’ve let my guard down so much that some people have become shameless with me. I do not refuse to grant the benefit of the doubt, but the fact is that they have given me plenty of reasons not to do so now.
I do not mean everyone, I just say that you have to be selective when you choose your friends. And I am doing that.

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Too long of a post.

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