I’m so sick of this disorder. I am sick of the manic episodes and then the depressive episodes that follow… I get a very high mood and don’t sleep for days then I crash hard and can’t function and sleep all day, I eat rubbish too when I am in a depressive episode, I crave sugar and junk food. This past month has been hellish and like a nightmare. I regained 18 pounds in the past two months after losing 100 pounds. I am so disappointed in myself for regaining the weight, I really am hyper focused now on losing the weight. I have had zero energy to exercise, I went running for the first time in a week today and I barely made it 1.7 miles. I used to have great energy and even recently ran 8 miles. I just don’t feel like continuing on, life feels pointless. I am getting fat again, so lethargic and worthless as a human. People would be better off without me.
I cannot go to the hospital to get this sorted because I no longer have medicaid and my insurance has a high deductible and I’d be landed with a large bill. I care enough about life to care about not getting into debt. I just need to turn a corner and start getting better. I want to believe that things will get better. I got to spend time with my parents today, and I am looking forward to spending more time with them when they come down for the winter months. I just feel so alone right now and hopeless
I understand. I’ve been regaining some weight since being put back on Zyprexa…i had lost 140 lbs and now i feel like a big fat slug. I just got out of the H for feeling suicidal and they wanted to send me 350 miles away for ECT but there were too many roadblocks. I feel hopeless, too. I’m just trying to make it thru the day. It’s hard.
Yes…the only thing I’m looking forward to right now is the new med Cobenfy (KarXT). The pdoc in the H is contacting a pharmaceutical firm to see if they can put me on it as soon as production starts. I’ve been on everything, including clozapine. The only thing keeping me going is knowing how hurt my family would be if i was gone. We have that in common, too. I call my mom and dad every day cuz we live 5000 miles apart. They give me encouragement, too. All we have to do is keep trying and make it thru this minute, then this hour, then this day. It WILL get better!
Keep pushing through. For me I am going to look forward to spending Thanksgiving with my parents, this will be my first holiday spent with family in 5 years so I am really looking forwards to it.
I hope that new med works for you. I have found success on Loxapine but it gives me bad TD but every time I go off of it I end up in the hospital
I was on loxapine in the 90s…but i can’t take it now cuz it can cause qtc prolongation (that’s why i had to go off clozapine in February of this year). Focus on the good times you’ll have with your family at Thanksgiving. Think of that turkey!
Hey. Don’t give up, it can get better. I was on loxapine too and now I’m on 10mg zyprexa. I feel so good being on a low dose. My sleep is more fulfilling. I was so miserable for so long! - 30 years. I had as much as I could take and things got better. It was a struggle. I don’t have to struggle so hard now but I still have to struggle. I’m sza and an addict so I struggle with drug cravings. I also do well for days and then crash and sleep several days. I’m a little manic but don’t take a mood stabilizer. I just don’t go up very high. I suffer mostly from depression these days. I’m not dependent on voices. They were piss mean so long I let go. I live alone and everyone is amazed but I’m lonely and starting a day program soon.
My suggestion is to take cobenfy with a partial dopamin agonist and glutamate agonist like caplyta if you can afford and if the new medicine isn’t potent enough, since you mentioned you were on clozapine I would think that you need a more potent combination
Many hospitals offer financial assistance. I pay $0 in medical bills for anything done for me at the particular hospital I go to. Due to my low income, I qualify. It’s worth looking into, not just for psych issues but for others as well