Schizophrenia.com

Don't know where to vent

I’m just super complex, a mystery to me and others, and my old therapist didn’t know how to help me. I have these extremely intricate coping methods that I used to survive all the abuse I’ve had. I don’t think I’ll ever be sown together agian. Very frustrating…

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I know that feeling. As you get older you’ll learn simplicity and smoothness better and realize you’re not as complex as you think. Long term med treatment did that for me.

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I know right? everybody has something. I have negative loophole in my brain that doesn’t stop, It’s worse than hearing voices. I’m starting therapy in november, till then, it’s just day by day. I’m sorry about your past.

I know what you mean, sometimes I feel there is no sowing back.

I saw you wrote on here that you used to be full of life, I was the same way. I was the class clown who had so much joy all the time. Don’t you miss being alive?

And yes, my therapist was the one to point out the negative loophole in my head, and he’s helping me out with it. I recommend that you share absolutely everything with your therapist, because if they’re a good therapist they won’t mind at all.

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no I don’t. I can relate to a lot of people around here and find their stories intriguing. I’m glad I decided to join this site.

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same here.

(151515)

the loophole in my brain is worse than I can ever explain. It just doesn’t go away. It’s there constantly and I’m hurting. It’s not just some voice telling me stuff but it’s constant and ruining my life. I wish I could cry and let it go but it never goes away. I’ve had this for the past 5 -6 months now. It’s better on some days but still present in my life.

May I ask what is loophole?
Is that anything like the mean voice in the head telling you that you’re no worth?

A way around something…like finding a flaw in an argument that doesn’t always coexist with logic but it makes sense enough anyways…if that makes sense

What I tell myself is, “Very few could’ve survived this better than me.”

Think of the suicide rates had the entire human population been 100% SZ. It would equate to chaos. These non-SZ folks are simply too soft, in my eyes. They haven’t felt “it”.

Needless to say, I have epic dreams. My dreams last night topped the charts in terms of vividness & clarity. I swear, I am more alive in dreams than in this world. There has to be a world(s) between or beyond this one. I can’t wait to die and see it for myself. But patience! Patience! I gotta earn me 100% of these credentials - live & die naturally; that way not a single person can demand my love or respect unconditionally anymore.

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For me, it’s bunch of thoughts, memories with emotional attachment that are stuck in a circle inside my head and keep on circling, the same thought over and over and over, and there’s no end to it. That’s what I meant by a loophole. I don’t know how to stop them. I had this when I first started getting psychotic and now it’s back. It’s some sort of obsessive thought disorder. The way my mind is functioning.

I’m really sorry that sounds frustrating. We will find help and all will be well. For now maybe try to figure out how to let go of the emotion? or just counter the negativity with something positive. thats really the only way i think.

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yeah sometimes I get worked up and angry but I can’t do anything about it except let go and accept, i wish I was a little religious, it would easier and my life is absolutely fantastic to say the least. I should be happy. But it’s a disorder, it’;s not a choice.

Oh we say, literary, ‘a hole in the law’.
If that makes sense :smile:

@waterway…i can relate to obsessive thoughts. Mine are negative and self judging ones. Someone recently asked me how can I talk like a feminist and at the same time let others treat me like a rag doll. I was like, well I don’t apply same standards for me and the rest of the humans. Go figure. :confused:

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There is an undying need to see things get better, and not be bogged down in the current mind set. I think the most suicidal are bipolar, but every illness has it’s casualties. I hope you never become one of them, @mistercollie. I enjoy your posts, and yes dreams are quite bizzare for me too, but I don’t put too much credence on it. I’m not Freud, so it doesn’t really matter.

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That is CBT. I did that with my therapist. Finding an alternative positive thought instead of negative one. And then you must learn to see which one is more likely real.

youre a … feminist? i thought i read somewhere that you were muslim or something like that… how is that compatible in any way?

Yeah. And if they’re all negative then you know there are some that are not real.

Feminist…theoretically. Practically…hmmm just an ordinary co-dependent.
My father was Muslim. Nonpracticing though.
I don’t have religious identity. And I don’t want any.