When things start getting worse I start feeling like a little kid again, anyone else like this?
Yes.
I think you can only associate such fear and vulnerability with childhood.
At least thatās what I think.
All I know is that others treat me like a kid.
Developmentally delayed/immature?
Kinda, idk. More along the lines of defenseless.
I think itās called regression.
I have it too. But in some other moments I feel old in a bad wayā¦ so I have the two behaviours, none of them isnāt nice for me ā¦
I recall for years in the old days of my scz that I had to have a survival method both āinside the scz planeā so to speak and outside in the real world.
It is no lie I was trying to survive the scz world inside first and foremost and around the clock all week, all year, for years. And I had to survive that while I was surviving in the real world. It was a tremendous task, and in the real world I achieved tremendously compared to the average person and compared to what I would have done if I were not scz. Some people here have believed that I was delusional when describing myself in regards to what Iāve achieved, but I would kindly reply to that with I would never overestimate their initiative or capability either.
ONE of the things that I realized I was doing in the scz world as I like or have to put it is becoming less than I am such as like a small child. Itās true, but it was only mentally and never outwardly.
It is hard to understand this for anyone thatās never had classic scz, but I would have to constantly keep my voices preoccupied you might say while I was working on everything I was working very hard, long, and for many years. Itās hard to explain, but it was as if my mind would go blank and lose focus the way you do when you panic if I didnāt keep the voices on their toes.
And one of the things I would resort to is lessening myself mentally to a child in the interactions with the voicesā¦mentally not out loud or physically.
I have had to think this way all of those years as well, and Iām no small time thinker. Iām āthe thinkerā compared to anyone I know personally. I figure out things while others cannot, give up, or get it wrong. Again Iām back to the over estimation/underestimation thing about me and people in this forum reading from meā¦
And this is how I lived, thought, worked and so forth with these voices rambling and myself rambling back at them in my mind all at the same time.
I recalled several times I would step back from what I was doing, and get the gist of what it was I was doing. I was essentially juggling a very intense kind of full life mental and physical juggle act which would be impossible to follow for a beginner such as a normie without scz or new to scz.
When I was attending an outpatient hospital called the Recovery Center at the V.A., the staff would treat us like and talk to us like we were all children. I remember that. It was kind of comforting, I remember because I was so sick, at the time. I would hate being treated like that now.
Yes yes yes. Iām actually not sure if itās my MI or if Iām just childish to be honest. I have ASD as well so I kinda always blamed my immaturity on that, but it could be my personality, who knows. In general I am more like a child then I even was when I was one.
Regression is also something I do to cope sometimes. It works great for me. Throw some cartoons on, get my SO to make me lunch, doodle and put stickers on everything. Itās a good way to not worry about things.
I guess Iām only 21, so it canāt be that bad to miss your childhood. Thereās a lot of things I still do now as an āadultā
Stuffed animals? Check
100s of cute stickers? Check
Colouring books? Yes
Unable to make appointments or understand the basics of budget? Hell yeah
Sleep with a teddy bear? Every night
Scared of everything? For sure
Wave hi at literally every dog Iāve ever seen in my life with the uncontrollable need to say āhi puppyā? Check
Have to point and identify any sort of animals I ever see? Of course
Need to go see my mum so she can brush and braid my hair? Yup
I can go on forever. Too bad I canāt go back to a time when I didnāt know the world was in ruins and the environment destroyed, where I didnāt have any responsibility and others took care of me. Where I could just play and not know the concept of anxiety and depression.
During psychosis and during recover I did feel like a kid. During psychosis I could only watch cartoons because everything else scared me. After psychosis I would cry at random times until I recovered.
well, the stickers Iām not interested in. the coloring books and stuffed animals ill go for~
anyway, in my situation I do feel more like a kid sometimes. I question it though, it may seem weaker to people. are we not all kids? thinking ONLY because we live to a āpossibleā 100 years. as soon as we hit 70, (damn thatās when Iām old). nobody is oldā¦they just seem younger or older. (possibly more attractive) LOLā¦
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