I wonder if my family made me sickā¦ I had a very abusive father, who was beating till death my mom and my sister, while he wasnāt even drinkingā¦
You canāt imagine the terror. One example, once my teenage sister went out on a date, she put a mascara on her and after she came back, my father threw her mascara in the toilet and made her look for it in there for hoursā¦ after that, he smashed her face against the wallā¦ She was 14 years oldā¦ He was using the same thing sometimes on my mother too. He was obliging her to knee and get up for hours, after then, she was beated tooā¦
I guess, that he was emotionally a psycho, so I couldnāt develop wellā¦ No one cared how I feel, I turned to have suicidal ideation since the age of 10ā¦
But anywayā¦ My mom is very loving to me now, but she says now, that Iāll be forever sick and aloneā¦
Is this all imaginable for the other normal human beings? 
Does my family made me sick probably? The other people they canāt even imagine this even when I tell it to themā¦ I donāt blame them at all, noā¦ I just get depressed, that I had it so hard so idk when Iāll feel betterā¦
My sister and my mother now claim, that my illness is geneticā¦ But even this maybe is not right around this past violence, right? 
My sister was the beaten one, but she is mentally wellā¦
Right now, I have all kind of body painful and scary sensations, my hands turned swollen till pain because of smth, I guess itās the total stress and my weak heart maybeā¦
But will I get better even in my body and mind, do you believe in me still, pals? 
I take my zyprexa still. My ex doc was thinking, that Iāll need years on it in my case in order to feel betterā¦ I am severe, plus ill since kidā¦ I progressed a bit on the wisdom about the life but am still very sickā¦
And yes for those who push me, I go out every day for 15 minutes in my neighborhood nowā¦ But I donāt expand, I donāt go further even after an year like thatā¦
But does it was a terror at my home? I donāt feel enough a nice human around people, who had a total love at their homesā¦ tbh, I talk about my best ill friend now, who is in a sharp episode now, but knew so much love at her home, that she canāt even understand my conversion disorderā¦ And when she is bad, she hates my fears, but I understand now, that this is her illnessā¦ anyway, I hope theyāll help her faster now though, sheeshā¦
Do you think, that my 20 years old isolation made me sz or I was it before? On this precisely, I have my opinion yeahā¦ Iāve isolated precisely cause I was already sick. But maybe this made me worse, right?
OK, thatās it maybe Iāll be a tougher person even if I get better, because of my childhood and my special sz.
I fight to be better now tbh, but maybe Iāll always look as a monster to those , who knew the love at their homes, thatās allā¦ this makes me very sad now 
I feel even lower around these people, yeahā¦
No one knows what causes schizophrenia, there are only theories. I donāt know if your isolation caused it, one theory is that it is caused by environmental reasons so maybe it is possible, other theories are substance abuse, blows to the head, genetics, etcā¦
I was extremely social before SZ and had a loving family. I always had friends and a girlfriend, yet I still ended up developing the condition. After schizophrenia my life went in the complete opposite direction. People donāt really want to hang out with schizophrenics and women run the other way when I tell them. There is a lot of stigma and people have heard so much negative stuff about it they just donāt want to have much to do with us. Iāve gotten use to being lonely, and have come to enjoy my solitude. But I am also older now, 43, so being high up in the social hierarchy doesnāt seem as important to me anymore, compared to when I was younger. Spending a lot of time alone hasnāt made my condition worse.
Yeah, but did you read how my father was??? Donāt you think, that everyone would have gone mad because of that?
Wonāt I be always a tougher person with all that, a person who turned a psycho too for a time and that no one will like me?
All my ill friends always have been surrounded, even by partners.
Why my mother sees so badly the mi, she says, that Iāll be forever sick and alone, this is normal or not?
Youāll find people headspark, I believe it for youā¦
My family had a role in my illness, and bullies too. But also how I reacted to my traumas made a difference too. For instance i think if a baby is born extroverted then it is unlikely to get SZ.
There are some documented associations with parents affecting children. For example:
Trauma causes PTSD
Repeated trauma causes CPTSD
Loss of a parent is associated with BPD
Sexual abuse is associated with HPD
Substance abuse is associated with BPA
There are many more, but these ones have strong associations. Also, most of these are age-dependent, affecting younger kids the worst.
Even if genetics play some part, it is clear that good parenting is also important.
My own theory is that trauma and bad parenting cause a person to become mentally ill, but what DX you get out of it depends on you.
Yeah, I read that, but I donāt know what caused SZ in your situation, but it could be possible.
Thanks for that, maybe one day Iāll meet someone, but Iām not holding my breath.
But why my mother is the only one on the earth, who says to her sick child, that sheāll always be alone and sick? My mother is the only one on the earth to be like this, for realā¦ is this normal? In fact, my pdoc said once to her , that Iāll always be in pain, but I wonāt believe anymore everything, even if it comes from the quacks, no thanksā¦
Maybe Iāll just always be a tougher person, which the more gentle ones will always avoidā¦
@Headspark , thereās many unhappy and lonely people out thereā¦ The world screws us allā¦ Maybe you need someone special as you 
OK, keep living your life of course, the love maybe comes, when we donāt expect it, I guessā¦
My family is very discriminating about the mi tbh, my own familyā¦
My mom told me I was ill when I was psychotic, she is the reason I ended up in the hospital, she called the police on me a couple times, I was arrested and taken to the hospital. I wasnāt violent, just psychotic. Now that I am on meds that work she agrees I am doing much better, but it took her a while to come to that conclusion. For quite a while she seemed hesitant on believing I was better, I had to talk to her and spent a lot of time convincing her I wasnāt delusional anymore or having hallucinations.
I seeā¦ thanks for sharingā¦ Am probably still boiling from anger and a bit of hatred and malice unfortunately I am not proud, but my thinking was damaged, thatās why too.
The other thing is that I closed in myself years ago so much, that I developed this conversion disorder and no one didnāt know what was happening inside of meā¦ I was even worse beforeā¦ Now, sometimes my ugly stuff comes I words at least, here mostly, so sorry about that
Yeah, my mother probably had it very hard too, so she became tough I guessā¦
I am walking through mazes still tbh, mazes of irrationality and pain stillā¦ Iāll see how it goes. Maybe Iāll become a really nice person after it all in fact, who knows? 
idk yeahā¦
Yeap, sz is very stigmatized I was obliged today to explain to my mother, that I have conversion disorder as well and it is also very painful and an isolating thingā¦ She even doubted that I have it for a few, while one doc said it in front of herā¦ family yeahā¦
One friend told me, that I embraced too much my family, while they donāt care much that I suffer.
Having read a number of your posts my impression of you is that you are kind and caring person, but suffering in a lot of ways and going through a lot.
Hey @Anna1 sid this get resolved for youā¦ I do t have the comprhension to read all the comments but I can most likely answer this for you if you still need
OK, thank you I shouldnāt be so hard on my mom, she still looks after me now in fact, while she has her illnesses and is quite oldā¦ she cares probably, she cried a lot about me, but weāll see yeapā¦
Oh well, Iāve been through a lot. And probably, it was mainly sickness. I find, that my character changed for the worse, but itās maybe cause I am not recovering fastly on the meds. And I was quite deep in the madness yeahā¦
Stay strong, dear! Iāll fight too
You want to answer @thaze? Yes, please 
Maybe my shytt still comes from my bad thinking, I thought of this now lolā¦ The wise people say, that āthe one who can harm you the most, is only yourselfā lolā¦Iāve just read this today lol hahā¦
Just like a billion other things, childhood trauma is thought to be linked to increased risk of development of sz. But, like a said, so are about a billion other things. Itās impossible for us to know exactly what caused your sz but I still believe genetics play a major role.
This is good Anna1. I am glad to hear that you have taken our advice and try to get out and move. 
Well I could be wrong on thisā¦ but I believe sz is something that lays dormant in your brain till a certain age and a traumatic event. So what your talking about could have caused it to surface but it didnāt exactly cause you to be szā¦ there are a ton of things that what you described can cause tho @Anna1
@Bowens get out of my head!!!
Iām jk lol 1523636363
OK, maybe you are rightā¦ My mom didnāt turn mi, neither my sister while the beatings were on themā¦
And yeap, they both still think for me, that itās genetic in my case lolā¦ Itās possible that my dad was sick lolā¦
Maybe am sick and thatās why I canāt believe still, that itās genetic alsoā¦
But I am still haunted by the demons of my childhood, maybe my dumbness yeahā¦
If one of your parents have it I believe itās like. 20% chance youāll develop itā¦ if both parents had it I think itās almost a garuntee @Anna1
Yeap, itās possible for my dad to have been sickā¦ He ended up with some mi in the end of his life, which even the docs couldnāt determine, started to drink and had a brain attack and passed away he even was hospitalized in a mental hospital, but the docs didnāt know what he hasā¦ I guess, that the mental care is at the bottom everywhere in the world, which is a pityā¦
Mental care is actually getting a lot better in some states. Like I can only live in a few states because they give you good health care completely free. Iām in ny currently and they actually take good care of me @Anna1