Schizophrenia.com

Does it Work to Do Nothing Meaningful?

I didn’t really take any effective action after my first go-round with the first wretched crash induced by highly genetic, psychotic bipolar back in '94-'95. They put me in a day program after the second one (with the first of the two serious suicide attempts) in '97, but the style of CBT they used was too “mushy” and difficult to get a grip on. So I crashed again in '99, but dug out with a CBT workbook. And then promptly forgot most of what I’d learned.

I crashed again just horribly in '02-'03 (with another serious suicide attempt). I was again sent to CBT and group talk therapy in '03-'04. The stuff the VA used then was drivel. (I got more out an anger management course and all the AA step work I was doing.)

But a doc outside the VA dx’d me correctly and changed my meds in a major way. I began to feel better. But rather than just depend on meds (which hadn’t worked well for any length of time before), I dug immediately into serious self-education. That led to going back to school and acquiring (via a very long trip around Robin Hood’s barn) the skills I have from all manner of psychophilosophies and psychotherapies (including those I keep listing for newcomers here).

Had I not done these things, I’m 99% certain I’d still be a mess… if I was even alive to talk about it.

What’s your experience?

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Well I’m torn between keeping active and just vegetating all day. Stress gets to me easily and I don’t like the constant worry that looms over me with going to school, but it is the only way I have found to dig myself out of this hole. They say we have issues with our reward-seeking system, my life will probably improve if I do get my degree but it won’t be without any obstacles.

Better try your luck at something than stagnate.

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Have to support that. Though what one tries their luck at may or may not produce the “relief” one will almost certainly get from certain, specific activities.

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Yeah, maybe I should have gone the way of social rehabilitation or programs targeted at the mentally ill instead of pursuing a normal schooling program, but I want to be normal again, we all do. I’m getting aware that I have severe limitations as time goes on, but I wanna beat it, and it’s gonna take every fiber of my body to achieve success!

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All I can say is I had to do what was required to get the results I direly needed – and wanted – to get. Is life “perfect” now? No. But is it (waaaaaaay) better? Bet your sweet @$$.

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I get so bored that I do ■■■■ like train for powerlifting competitions or fight Krav Maga instructors when I have nothing else to do. Or just do drugs or all of the above.

That’s like enough to diagnose me with maybe a mood disorder or psychopathy, OR strong psychopathic tendencies with chronic paranoid schizophrenia with acute exacerbation.

I’ve been through hospitals, vocational programs, medication, day programs, supported housing, semi-independent living, jobs that were specifically for disabled people, jobs that I got on my own and no one knew I was ill, disabled employment agencies, psychiatrists, therapists, sheltered workshops, AA, CA, and NA, family group therapy, group therapy, and living on my own.

I guess each helped in their own certain way. I would definitely say that none hurt me. They weren’t always easy or pleasant but they are part of my history.

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Like a friend of mine who’d been a middling prize fighter told me, “I knew after a round or two when I ‘wasn’t going to win,’ but I kept on punching. And every now and again, I did win.”

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It would seem the human being always has to be doing something. Probably the mostly sedated one can be is watching television. Even meditating and keeping the mind clear is more active then that.

Just recently I’ve been finding it easier to learn thing again. Kind of comes with facing non-mental health issues in life.

The have wireless on board diagnostic scanners that you can plug into almost any modern vehicle and can track stats on your phone… also diagnose issues. They’re about 15% the cost of traditional stand alone scanners and have far more functionality.

I know just about all there is to know about the upgrade to windows 10… it’s been a fun 24 hours… I know more about windows 8 in general now then I would like too. You basically have to trick it into doing anything. 17GB of bs is what that OS is.

It’s practically nothing… but it is something you know. For a long time there I was trying to do nothing at all. I wanted to baseline and find neutrality and then build from there. Got close enough I guess. My mind is free from a lot of the psychological trauma of this illness… still when I idle things can get a little weird… delusions and voices.

I can’t afford to get my transcripts sent in this month… but I’ve found a math program that’s very affordable and only 15 minutes out of town. So come january I’ll be starting with some preliminary work at getting back the academic horse… which really is the only way to get ahead in this world… and even with a bachelors degree it won’t get you far.

I don’t think that I’d need to do anything beyond being out of curing boredom. I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on myself to put to much weight behind the meaning and purpose of MY life. I did that for a long time. It does help to be a doer though… people might be put off by it… but they also respect it and will get out of your way.

Also I’m done with alcohol. Can’t afford it anyways.

(Bored enough to type all this apparently)

Same here. (In about 50 different ways.)

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