Does anyone think their delusions were planted in them

Unusual Beliefs
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Usually I don’t post what bothers me enough but lately it’s been bothering me a bit

There was a guy in my IOP in 2012

I believe he was out to get me

He planted the messiah belief in me

So did a lot of the group

I may have been vulnerable…to believe anything other than the truth

But it’s hard to delete a delusion when it wasn’t truly created by you

I guess any belief is created by you and your mind technically

But said things like “I never believed in god. Until now when god may be sitting right in front across from me”

I remember not knowing what he meant

I was off meds at the time too

I didn’t believe in Jesus or anything. I was an atheist. But the group convinced me. It’s frustrating.

Last night I had the thought that maybe god wants me to have a good life. And struggling was a part of what it took to grow up. Even if I struggled more than I had to.

But when I saw a psychic she just really said I’m gonna live a long prosperous life. She said important other things I probably shouldn’t mention. But her predictions for greatness were few and far in between. Her predictions for happiness were abundant though.

Maybe happiness is greatness.

Maybe my higher power is important. But it’s stupid to dwell on it.

Maybe I can have faith without taking it to extremes.

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When I was in hospital, I said “I hate humans” , so another guy got the idea that I was some kind of alien.

You’re pretty suggestible in hospital settings.

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What’s an IOP? 1515151515

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Intensive outpatient program

It was court installed group therapy

I’ve gone on my own to iop too

But it was always different than the time I went court mandated

I was in 4 different groups. Everybody knew who I am

Hell in that city I still think everybody knew me a few years ago.

I said some things that made them really believe I was Jesus

I was very psychotic at the time

I was a huge deal in this city for a few months

Until I kept not taking meds I really went off the rails

I know the IOP did me dirty

I’m not crazy. But people think I am. Because of this events in 2012

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Just because it’s not true, doesn’t mean it didn’t all happen

I really don’t think I’m sza. But co morbid co occurring diagnoses which makes sense

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I still focus on things that happened since I started high school

Literally I feel like a pariah in my neighbourhood, as all these people with loose mouths spread things about me

My behaviour when ill was also to me personally an embarrassment that I’ll never live down

Anyway…

The whole court imposed things can be a bit flakey

Back in 2004, they had little understanding of what Narcanon was, and they nearly paid them £16,000 to send me there. When I found out it was run by Scientologists, I ended up having all these false beliefs about them…

We’re all victims of places, environments and people we meet. Some people think it’s funny to play along with those who have broken minds, and taunt them.

Some sick individuals out there. I try to isolate myself as best as possible to try and avoid other people poisoning my mind

That said, the right people wouldn’t do that and would have empathy, but somehow I can’t find them in my life

I hope one day, but not yet

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Thank you @Joker

That’s what I needed to hear

I was also hurt a lot especially in middle school.

High school I just isolated mostly

Then I tried to enter a “real world” and society gave me resistance for what they couldn’t understand

Hey at least I’m unique

Good people are out there

I’ve found a few good ones

But so much evil in peoples hearts

There were tons of people out to get me until I learned to stand up for myself now they leave me alone

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Intensive Outpatient is an all morning and day therapy program that goes 5 days a week where I live. I think the number of days per week varies. Anyway, you spend all day there but sleep at home

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For me these people were hidden from my sight

Now later on I know that these people took advantage of undiagnosed Autism.

I am wise to it now.

Also I am left alone by these types of people. They crop up sometimes, but unlike school, as an adult you can not associate with them

That’s a good thing. Being a carbon copy drone is not a good thing. Be quirky if you can be! Nothing wrong with it at all

Eventually I will move somewhere with more opportunity to find new people.

My hometown I feel a bit stuck in because my parents live here, and house prices are very expensive if I move North or East along the coast to the nearest city

Things get pretty rough if you move West of where I am

This place is in a just about affordable sweet spot, but I have no connections here for 8 years

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