Does anyone deal with public judgement?

This isn’t a delusion for me. Everywhere I go people seem to stare at me and laugh. Or they avoid eye contact. It hurts me so much that I avoid going into public 90% of the time. I don’t even get a chance to speak, it’s like people can tell that something is wrong with me? cashiers, drive thru operators, even old acquaintances from highschool. It happens every single day. The worst experience is when this (15-16?) yr old girl saw me and started to publicly mock the way that I walk and she even moved her head around and looked at inanimate objects/ a wall with blank expressions and then her friends mom who was with her literally stared into my eyes for the longest time with a shocking/ confused look before smiling. I guess she pitied me. It was like taking a bullet. Has anyone experienced any of this?

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I have had something like this, but I did consider it partially delusional. Only partially though, for I think there is a feebackloop or something like a self-fulfilling prophecy in phenomena like these.

I was at a music-festival once while psychotic. It was a 10 hour drive to get there, and since the car was crammed with tents and other stuff, it wasn’t a comfortable drive either. I was tired and irritated when, upon arriving, we had to stand in line to get to the terrain to put our tents. After such a drive, to have to stand in line with aching back etc. wasnt very nice.

Now while waiting in this line, I was obviously surrounded by quite a lot of people. And I noticed that when looking around, I picked up on people staring at me. And I saw in their looks that they saw something was wrong with me. So I tried to avoid others’ looks, but yeah, where to look if there are only people around you.

Later at the festival, still psychotic, I was having a good time with my friends. We had some beers and were enjoying the music, dancing etc. It was amazing weather and there was in general a good vibe going on there. Now here comes the funny thing. I was ofcourse still surrounded by people, for it was a crowded festival. So whenever I’d look around I was bound to cross eyes with someone. And they all smiled at me, almost saying with their looks that I was such a cool guy or something like that… This made me cheerful and smile myself ofcourse. And I now no longer avoided the eyes of others. Now I wanted those smiles!

Now notice the context to these experiences. Irritable, tired, annoyed, came with negative stares. Good mood/vibe came with smiles. When things turned for the better I thought to perceive this feedback loop, and I thought of it as a hybrid between a delusion and something that was really happening. For ofcourse, I’d exaggerated everyone looking at me, and to see a smile or a negative look is at least partially interpretation. But my responses to them are real, and so are others’ responses to them in turn. Smile and you’ll be smiled at, something like that. I rode this feedback loop as a rollercoaster and it lifted me to some euphoric state at the festival, and I knew it had some real effects because people came to talk to me to have a nice chat etc.

This might not be the case for you, but to connect the expressions I see at others faces to my mood was elucidating at the time. Probably these stares and laughs make you feel uncomfortable. That in turn is picked up by people, and sadly, sometimes responded to with more stares and laughs. This gets the loop going.

I wonder if you’d have similar experiences when going out while feeling confident, comfortable and cheerful.

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People seem tolerant and accepting where I am. I think they can spot us as a group from an assisted living center, and they figure they can just humor us or avoid us. They do look down on us, though. Stuff like that can’t be avoided.

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I think that it all depends on the individual person.

Some people like to judge me others are very cool and dont.

I have learned a long time ago through my job, that people like to gossip and judge others, its Human Nature really.

I have a good sense as to which ones are judging me, although I admit that I can be paranoid a lot.

I try not to let it bother me so much.

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[quote=“jengl, post:1, topic:35189”]
Has anyone experienced any of this?
[/quote]I always tell myself that if they were in the same shoes, they’d be dead by now. Then again, I don’t have anyone publically mocking me, it’s usually gossipy nonsense from family.

I have zero real-world friends, only “virtual” ones, and couldn’t be happier about that situation. E-communities have always been more relaxed to me than local communities - I grew up with the internet, dial-up and all that jazz as a kid, so I’ve watched the community evolve… in a good way.

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I’ve never really received any mocking, at least any that wasn’t delusional. But people often say I have a very intimidating face, so I try to smile a lot.

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One of my biggest fears is always judgement from other people. My therapist told me that most of it is in my mind and that most people are too busy with their own lives to judge me. And that those who ARE judging me are people I should just cut from my life anyway.

I’ve had a little bit of a problem similar to @mistercollie, but the family members who said horrible things about me ended up running their mouths about too many people and aren’t really liked by most of the family anymore anyway. I went a very long time without any emotional support locally, and I have to say I wouldn’t want to go back to that. Then again, this website is my first attempt at getting e-support, so…

Another thing my therapist said is that when it comes to people who DO judge us, we’ll never be able to please them. If they want to be mean and judgmental, they’re going to find something and/or someone to do it about.

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it honestly could just be the feedback that I’m receiving due to my “resting bitch face”. so many people have told me that I look mad 24/7 and I bet that these people can also see in my demeanor and my eyes that I am completely unsure of myself and terrified to be in their presence and a lot of times confused because I don’t know what to focus on.

Ohhh… I’ve been there and done that. You kind of feel manipulated in a way by your environment perhaps. I know how it feels I use to be the same way people treating me differently. You kind of get this paranoia feeling. The only way I can cope with it was by reading about Boundaries and limits and understanding my environments because then that way I’m not looking into things too much and I don’t feel as paranoid about people going after me or treating me differently because I know my limits with people and what is good and what is not and at times if makes me feel like a wuss because I have no initiative to confront it in way that works for me because of my emotional flatness and nonresponsiveness at times throws people off and don’t know how to react around me.

Youll get there have a goodone!

Gang stalking…