I think this has been a recurring theme for me throughout my life and why I never soicialize much. Just bad thoughts or rediculous ones or just feeling thoughtless alltogether. I don’t even know whos thoughts they are exactly. Maybe just a creation of a very isolated depressed sza mind.
I get intrusive thoughts that can be kinda dark, maybe it’s an OCD thing. I don’t take ownership of all of it.
I guess I tend to take ownership of them or at least part of me does. While the other half is very disturbed by it all. Makes it very difficult to express anything though. As it has created massive cognitive dissonance.
That’s how I feel. Abilify has given me a clear mind. I mean ultra clear. It doesn’t seem natural.
I used to be aware of my thoughts but apparently that is a symptom of schizophrenia.
I know that feeling… Normally I just hang in a state of self forgiveness until I get a chance to isolate for long enough to forget my stress factors (normally certain people that I don’t like interacting with.) Also find subtracting my desires works to change my inner schema…
Like stressing out about fighting through twelve more months of paying rent… I just day dream about moving somewhere. Or vice versa if my dreams are starting to seem unrealistic.
Like I can’t take any interest in my ex… cause that offends all my friends… which offends me… so therefore for my own peace of mind I just have to let it go. (She did give me a kiss on the cheek that last time I was trying to be sweet with her… I mean it ain’t a totally estranged desire. My friends would like it to be so… but they’re just protecting their status quo.)
I’ll wind up internally lost in conflict over suchs matters… Money and work suck too.
I have schizophrenia and constant delusions of thought broadcast, and pure obsessional OCD as a result of that.
I don’t hate every thought I have but I go through bouts where I hate like say 10 thoughts in a row.
I try not to take ownership of intrusive thoughts, I have a coping statement “it’s not me, it’s OCD”
Something that helps me lately is the idea that thoughts are not facts, imagining thoughts as an ocean wave passing. Label the thought (offensive, disturbing, etc.) and let it pass
I’m most content when I’m able to forget about the voices and just be
When I do work, I start to enjoy myself more.
When I am not working however, I feel like a piece of crap with worthless thoughts.
Usually I have no thoughts.
My mind is blank.
same as me 15155
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