My voices have now changed into interrogators. Under most conditions, they interrogate me constantly. When they are not asking questions, they are patronising me to the max. From what I have read on hearing voices forums, this is somewhat unusual, and it is certainly uncharacteristic. When my voices first began talking to me, they refused absolutely to answer questions, so I stopped asking.
They were exactly like the voices demonstrated in the YouTube schizophrenia voices simulations. They were insulting, derogatory, malevolent, and hurtful. But now they are inquisitive, patronising, evasive and conversational. I believe it is a result of me writing “first person transcripts” of our thought conversations. These are notes that detail quote unquote the dialogue between me and my voices. Here is an example of what they have become. Compare this transcript to the YoutTube hearing voices simulations (please forgive the spelling mistakes – these transcripts are written very fast)
2nd August 2018 1028 hours
?M: sucked in scott, sucked in scott, sucked in scott etc
s: same ol same ol bullying
(installing MS office 2010 purchased version)
?M: why don’t you use google docs scott?
s: because I love bill gates, he gave me a job, and I am loyal
?m:WHAT AM i DOING NOW SCOTT?
?PW:we’re waiting for you to take drugs scotty stewart
S:but I can’t write that story in this transcript because readers don’t know you like I do, and they don’t know the context (140+ transcripts that I have written)
?M:how do you feel about being a junkie?
S:I would prefer not to be. I have plans. I read them out to you this morning
?M:they can’t do it
s:Yes, sometimes these transcripts set them, off, now they have made them quiet, but they never fail to change the dynamic and the attitude of what they say (think out loud to me)
?M: yep, they’ve done it.
?FM: you will be so sorry you took drugs
s: yes. I always am.