I’m sure like many here, some of the most intense experiences we have had have been when we had our onset, or subsequently, were not compliant with the meds. I was only stable again when I established compliance with one that had less disagreeable side-effects, but I look back on some elements of those episodes as the times when I truly “felt” something. But was it just a rush of dopamine? I sometimes think that my desire to feel something that clearly again is no different to the crack or ice user looking for that hit.
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Sounds like some ■■■■■■■■ that a doctor might tell you to keep you taking the meds.
I don’t like the medication because it sucks.
It makes it harder to think and feel but it has also prevented me from doing very stupid and dangerous things. Are you taking the magic biscuits? I am on Olanzapine 7.5mg for 10 years now.
i would guess its more the crap side effects… or you have felt well long enough and think you don’t need them any more… i came off meds earlier this year but it was due to insurance not paying for the expensive meds…
It feels pretty good when I come off my Geodon and Seroquel, but I know what follows. I always get out of control and mess up. I’ve got too much to lose to mess around with my med’s.
No I take latuda but I’ve heard olanzapine works well
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I also feel great for a while but then the world turns into “merde” (en Francais) and I am evil.
I came off meds before and felt great for about 2 weeks, then crashed and burned. It’s quite common to feel good for a very short period of time.
The problem is going back on them is rough as your system has to get used to them again. Also they don’t work straight away and can take a month to start working again. By that time you could easily end up in hospital.
Not worth the risk really.
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How are you managing off meds? I’m sorry your insurance is not paying.
it was temporary…about a month… back on them now
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I have not tried going off my meds nor do I plan to but I imagine just the side effects being gone would equal temporary elation and a sense of feeling really good. I would feel great if I went off my meds until I had a major psychotic episode and ended up either dead or in the hospital. Bummer that I have to keep taking this shyt.
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It’s a bummer for sure but thank heavens we have them. Most seem to have interpreted my thread as anti-med but I am just trying to understand the very real desire a lot of us have to stop taking them although we all seem to agree that is a bad idea.
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Not sure if you’re getting at this, but I’ve spoken to several people who have bipolar 1 or 2 whose reason for not being med-compliant is that they miss the mania. (I make it a point to remind them of the depression.)
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I didn’t perceive the thread as anti-med at all. I was simply saying that …well… the truth, lol. I hate meds but I have to take them to avoid paranoia and psychosis.
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Thanks. Maybe it was my paranoia kicking in then. What meds you take and how long if you don’t mind me asking?
Yes I think there is a lot of crossover between that bipolar mania and early positive symptoms of schizophrenia. I want to meet the psychiatrist who can tell the difference.
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For me…it is the good feelings that makes me quit meds. But its something deeper than seeking the rush of a crack user. I cant love or empathize on meds, so I feel my life only has meaning when I am off meds and I am a better person off meds - which is only theory, it kind of isnt true, but still I believe it. I am a more loving person for a sort period of time and then I turn in a lunatic hurting everyone around me by becoming a terrified mess. I FEEL loads of empathy while psychotic, to the point of not wanting to pick a flower because then I am hurting and killing it, but I cant practically take care of anyone around me, which isnt very loving at all. So…maybe it partly is an addiction to feelings of love, joy, empathy…but it goes deeper imho. Wanting to feel love and be a loving person is kind of the most basic human need, which meds take away.
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The dopamine rush is exciting for the intense feelings of insight that people without a mi cannot imagine. The world around us becomes a heaven or hell. Typically more hell than heaven but the rush is real enough. When thoughts and feelings descends into a rapturous chaos we can’t control is a nod for us to stop. It is ok if you are under twenty and surging with youthful energy, but after 25 yrs old peace of mind is altogether more desirable. The burnout from an ‘episode’ simply isn’t worth it.
don’t care for the side effects, I know I’m going to get off my meds eventually, I think it would just be better if I learn to be a better schizophrenic. i’m in a stop start schizophrenia cycle, I just need to get used to it, then it wont drive me crazy,
I read the book ‘Henrys demons’ written by a young schizophrenic man and his father. It was heart breaking to read the same relapse and recovery followed by relapse over and over again.