Do you seek reassurance?

I have a massive problem with obsessive ruminating over any social contact. I think I am a good person, but that I often say and do things wrong or come across different to what I meant. I isolate myself a lot, and when I do visit family and friends, the aftermath of worrying about what I said and did is torture. This happened recently, so I sent a casual email saying ‘sorry if I was a a bit…’ and when the reply came, saying they really enjoyed my company and behaviour was fine and I did nothing wrong, and I feel much better. I put myself through hell for no reason, and a quick email solved it. I’m going to try to do this from now on - if I think I’ve screwed up, rather than torture myself over it, I’ll just ask for reassurance. If I did nothing wrong, great, and if I did, I can apologise and fix it. My family and friends all know about my illness so I think this would be a good thing to do.

I will do the same here. As I said I have very little social contact so this site is a great thing for me, it feels really good to be able to talk to people who have similar problems. You guys help me, you really do, I hope I can help you too, and it’s good just to chat sometimes and feel less alone.

Even chatting online can be a source of paranoia. I’m the kind of person who needs things to be clear, I need to know where I stand. If I ever say anything that’s wrong I hope you would tell me, so I can make it right. I really do appreciate having this social contact.

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Me too honey

I need people to tell me

Not all sz I’ve had big mouth all my life

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Not all the time, but I do have a problem with this. It doesn’t help that I have very low self-esteem as well as unstable identity issues. Hope this makes you feel at least a little bit better. :slight_smile:

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I normally do it indirectly. If I am in a situation and I am not sure how it went, I will usually ask someone else who was there whether I did ok.

My mind punishes me constantly about this sort of thing. I could have done great things with the brain-power I have wasted on this kind of worrying.

I think this is a key reason why I no longer have any friends, as I acted out big time then I created distance as I didn’t want to burden them.

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I won’t say I’m glad I’m not the only one, I wouldn’t wish the self doubt and worry on anyone, but it does help that others understand :slight_smile:

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It helps me too when people tell me if I’m out of order. I’ve never quite figured out how I’m supposed to behave, I need others to tell me.

I’ve done the same, I’m lucky to have a few people that have always stuck by me and always will no matter how much I screw up, and don’t mind if I’m not in contact for weeks at a time.

The relentless rumination is torture. Having come to the realisation, as you said, of how much time I’ve spent on it, I’ve realised that the best thing I can do is just ask, if possible, so I don’t have to obsess over it.

I used to spend all day ruminating on conversations I’ve had and/or conversations I would like to have but never have and never will have. My own boyfriend refers to me as a social retard. I just don’t deal with the social context very well.

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Yes. I’m obsessive about so many tiny, stupid things along with that. Do you have OCD? I have it. I control my germaphobia so well, but this is a hard beast to tame. And then when the voices start getting involved it’s like God forcing me to do something.

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And?

Does the boyfriend consider retard a slam.

Take it as you will.

I’d like to kick his a-ss

Even when I talk to my sister and dad who are big jerks in conversation. I have no reason to be very polite, but I get the worrying thoughts swirling in my head.

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I haven’t been officially diagnosed with OCD, (or if I have I don’t remember, have had so many labels!) but I think I probably do have. I certainly tick all the boxes, it seems to me that it is quite often co-morbid with scz. I also have Tourettes, again often co-morbid with OCD. The rituals can be a nightmare when I get really anxious, but they don’t bother me nearly as much as the relentless rumination.

I hope he means it in a jokey way, I laugh these things off but they can hurt. When people want me to do something I joke that I have a meeting with the Anti-social Club (which has no members of course…) But it does bother me at times.

Yeah. I feel like I fight a good fight in ignoring the thoughts and focusing on positive things or just anything else, but it manifests as pure pain in the background. Stiffening up my muscles so badly and then the voices in my head start shouting.

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He does. He uses it as a term of endearment for me.

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@malvok

Used to be on here

Miss him

Didn’t even like the word crazy used against us

Words words words

I’m actually really surprised at how many of you have this problem. I almost did think that I was the only one. I guess when there is something that really bothers you it’s natural to think you’re alone in it. I’m not glad that anyone else has to live with the guilt, self doubt etc, but I am glad I’m not the only one, if that makes sense.

I think you are on your way of beating this problem. I used to do the same thing exactly. I started following up with everyone or running it by a third party. Come to find out it was all in my head. Don’t think your much different than me. I don’t know if it’s the sz or just a learned trait. But I know you can overcome it by doing exactly what you have started to do. When you start feeling better about this it’s a lot easier to have confidence in your conversations. Once in a great while I still run something past my wife. Find a safe third-party to talk to or run it by at this forum, if all else fails pm me. Best wishes.

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Do your best to stay away from me

Thank you

Thanks 5713, really appreciate it. I think that’s the best thing to do, is just ask for reassurance rather than obsess about things. It makes sense, logically to tackle a problem rather than leave it unsolved. I’m going to try and apply this to social contact in the same way I would any other problem that might arise.

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