Do you really believe that a recovery is possible for me after so much time?

I hate myself that i went so deep… i was vegetating for 6 years since the year 2001. And after that, for ten years, i was just trying meds without fighting i guess… Yeah… i am ultra worried people. I dont want to recover once i am 50… i wouldnt even take care of myself if i have some other serious illness, cause i feel guilty even being alive. Plus the efforts are hard.
But, so it makes 17 years of passivity for me. I lack peace of mind, i have cognitive and negative issues. On the top of it, you can imagine my physical shape after 17 years of passivity. I really want to live, but does some of you here believes recovery is possible after so much time? Arent my mind and body just dead after this passivity?
Help please… Once i heard one woman who was saying that she was in depression just for one year and even after this time, she was forced to relearn to even walk… me, i have 17 years behind me for god sake!!!.. :disappointed_relieved:
Maybe i am the craziest here, but i want to live thats all… sometimes i am even afraid i can die from the damages of this passivity…

Anna, is there anything in your life that you enjoy doing? Do you get pleasure from anything?

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@Anna1, all you have to do to get out of your passivity is make the decision not to be passive anymore. Me, I do yoga everyday for 35 minutes a day. I also take the up stairs in my apartment complex. I also play the piano for one, to one and a half hours every day. Those are my exercise activities that I choose to do each day. You can make the same kinds of choices. And they are choices we make. You can tell yourself that you are “stuck” in your negative symptoms, or, you can make the conscious choice to do something about them. Especially if you don’t like them. A lot of people with negative symptoms don’t care about their negative symptoms enough to do anything about them. You, @Anna1, at least have the drive to change. That means that it’s within your power to change.

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Lolabean, i struggle to have positive emotions. I live with just negative emotions since two decades. I try to find pleasure in my life but its not always here. I am really afraid ill remain so passive.

Yeah, gina, but i have positives too… i was out today but my paranoia didnt let me to enjoy this. Maybe just a few, i was happier but only once at home :smirk: .

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I’m sorry, @Anna1. I couldn’t do as much as I’m doing now when I was under the throes of paranoia either.

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If I were you, I’d just keep bugging my psychiatrist about the paranoia. There’s got to eventually be something he/she can do.

I think you can. I couldn’t find any meds that worked for roughly 20 years. Although I’m not recovered. Right now I’ve got weird stuff going on that I’m not sure if it’s physical or mental. if I can get over that, maybe I can move to the next step. If I have a chance, I think you do too.

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I have to admit that I was never passive in my recovery, always trying different things and fighting, and still after 6 years I’m fighting.

I do have a tip for you that might help… Try taking just one step in the direction you want. The momentum from that small step might lead to another step, and then another, and then another… And so on…
Trying staying in rhythm and just taking one step at a time. It helped me out a lot.
Good luck…!

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Nope, theres nothing better than the zyprexa for me gina… i tried all the meds possible, 10 aps… the paranoia became a way of thinking, i should fight her alone now. The docs gave me too many aps , even one doc agreed on that. It just made me numb. Its not good to always switch… maybe i was ill for too long, that is what scares me. Sometimes, my brain is a mess, i analyze too much.

I know how you feel. Negatives and cognitive issues make things less enjoyable. I know I really need to push myself, but it’s hard when there’s little feeling of reward. It’s hard to stay motivated. But you just have to keep pushing yourself. Slowly things will get better. Eventually you’ll reach a point where you’ll be able to see the improvement. I hope things get better for you.

@anon1517417, have you lost your positive feelings in the illness? Cause i was living with just negative emotions for years, darling… its not a life to live like this. Add the paranoia and the cognitive issues and i really doubt i can recover soon. I fight in the day, but i still do so few that i am scared. Maybe i need years on the meds, no? More than the last three years where i keep the zyprexa. Maybe i need 5 years or a bit more after so much negativity and fears for years? Dont you know cases who needed years on meds to get better or my pdoc is lying?

But in the evenings people i am thinking so much and so fast that this also is invalidating… anybody who has this symptom too? I precise that my spirit is low in those moments, so i dont really have “great” ideas. Just trying to think, but its racing in my mind. Its me in fact who impose to myself to think in order to do something, but its quite painful and tiring. I cant stop doing this. Maybe because of the years of isolation, idk…

Of course!! Anna I battled my symptoms since as long as I can remember, my mom says I was even showing symptoms as a baby. I went untreated for 18 YEARS due to life circumstances. 20 years if you want to count when I actually started medication. I only just recently discovered my key to recovery and now I am 23, so two decades later, but I really feel I know now how to lead a stable life. If I can do so, you can too.

I feel like the largest thing hindering you is your attitude. You constantly talk about how you feel trapped by your experiences and because of them you’ll never get better. If you continue to not change anything in your life then they will not and you will not find recovery!! Just because you have been passive for 17 years, does not mean you have to continue being passive. My whole childhood my parents tried to force me to just “deal with” my problems and adults would tell me that was life and get over it. I decided to make the change for myself, go to therapy, if one therapy didn’t work, find a different therapy, try different meds, organize my schedule so I had regular activity to keep me mentally busy, get my sleep on track, etc.

You can do it, but it’s not just going to magically come to you one day.

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I’ve lost most of my positive feelings, yes. It really gets you into a rut. It’s hard when you get used to feeling this way. But you have to keep trying to find at least a little joy in your life. Keep trying, Anna! And stop being so hard on yourself.

If you could fix your life, what would that look like? How would you want it to be?

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it depends, what do you mean by ‘recovery’?

If it is a ‘normie life’ (full time job + family + friends and hobbies) it is very unlikely.

If you mean, improving your life and being happy, this is very possible and the first step is to get out of these obsessive ruminations.
Even if your pdoc doesn’t agree I still think that therapy (CBT) may help you in fighting these unhealthy thinking patterns.

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I already lead the battle in my head and I try to stay more occupied. Not to get desperate too. I am fed up of my mind, who is always in the low… I am better now, its a day here :slight_smile: . But do you had too also those racing thoughts? I guess its psychotic to think so much without a break in the evenings isn’t it?
Idk how I could be happy just on my own, zeno. without friends or love or just some activity… but whatever, I should stop wanting too much, I know its a mistake. Even for the healthy people they don’t have this. My mom suffers a lot to see me in such bad state. she says I am devastated. Maybe I need more time on the meds, without switching them anymore. In fact, my docs don’t want to switch them anymore, it wasn’t helping me in the past. And ill hope that this desensibilization will be just temporary after the schock of the psychosis…
love ya all :heart:

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