Do you expect the worst from people?

I don’t know if it is my paranoia or my experience, but I always expect the worse of people. I get pleasant surprises and a few disappointments.

I wasn’t always like this.

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I remember hearing somewhere - “Expect the worst, and you’ll never be disappointed.” People can definitely pull some ■■■■■■ up ■■■■. The human capacity for hypocrisy is endless. Of course, life is hard, and people have to get by any way they can.

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I completely understand what you’re going through. Like you said, I too get pleasant surprises and the occasional disappointments, despite thinking that bad things are going to happen. Though I’m generally thought of in a good light in real life and some of the online communities I’m on and have a decent amount of friends, I’m almost always convinced that people are going to do me wrong in some form. It’s a weird thing when you expect that someone is going to do something bad to you but the good outweighs what actually happens.

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I always expect the worse from others - I have very little trust.

Always suspecting the worse - Yes, sometimes I get pleasantly surprised.

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I will today at the family party!

I’m trying to find a balance of expecting the worst in people

Don’t be gullible, but be somewhat optimistic

Lately leaning towards expecting the worst

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I would say yes. Unless they prove otherwise I reckon they’ll be as bad as the people who bullied me at public school . Of course letting people in enough for them to prove that is the problem.

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I’m the opposite I think. I expect people to be good and nice and kind.

Unfortunately I have been very unpleasantly surprised by a few people at work recently.

It really put me off kilter when it happened too. It was a real set back for my recovery.

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I learnt what people think or say behind my back is none of my business

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I just have no positive expectations, as opposed to expecting the worst. The worst would actually be pretty extreme, like expecting the cashier to stab me or something. However I do not expect anyone to be kind, wise, honest or anything else. I go through life with defenses based on this. For example I must verify as much as I can for myself, and I also proceed while taking into mind the possibility that the story someone gave me was false. Most of the time this is all a rather natural, casual thing. For example if someone tells me something about Person A, I must not automatically assume it to be true, and instead proceed with caution about Person A as I would with anyone else, yet also be open to hearing Person A’s side of the story. And so on. It is not very dramatic. It also helps me to appreciate when people do turn out to be kind, wise or honest, and so on. Those are things that they have chosen to share with the world, or me, when they did not have to do so. So there is also that.

I have definitely not always been this way, though, it is more of a recent development. I can completely empathize with catastrophizing problems, since I have many years of experience with that symptom.

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I have thoughts occasionally of people faking stuff, or being insincere. I choose to counter this by actively overruling such thoughts with positive thoughts such as “nah that is just rubbish, they probably mean well”. It is just leftover paranoia. Careful not to turn bitter. That’s not a likeable trait.

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I won’t. I think it’s also some residual paranoia.

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Someone posted the saying “it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved”, here the other day. What do you think of that in relation to this? In as much as we have a choice in it, and I do think we have some choice in how to proceed, perhaps only as to conceive of these thoughts as intrusive.

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I agree, someone told me here once that my behavior is my behavior and that others behaviors shouldn’t dictate my reactions. My conscience is clear, others that do ■■■■ live with guilt and manipulation. Or they’re sociopaths and don’t live with guilt at all… But some do. The ones that do evil things to others that I know of, have little insight into why they do it. I’ve been made fun of, manipulated, raped, beaten, all of those things helped shape my current view of things. This, expecting the worst from people, can actually be tied to my PTSD.

In regards to romantic relationships is basically the same, I have my regrets but I know I won’t be making the same mistakes again, this is when expecting the worst from people actually comes in hand, I’m not expecting anyone to be perfect for me. Of course the other side of the coin is that I have major trust issues.

I have spent a lot of time expecting - not the worst? But generally pretty negative things from most people.

I’m just starting to come out of that mindset, I’m gradually becoming able to question myself when I’m thinking those things and realize that that’s not reality, just me focusing on a few bad experiences and writing off all the good ones.

I’m not at the point yet where I expect good things. But I’m much more ready to notice them when they do happen.

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Yes, I do that too. :slight_smile: There’s still hope…

I think most importantly, is what flybottle said, not to be resentful and bitter. People do stupid ■■■■, but those actions don’t define us, our reaction does.

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I try to have trust in people, but also get ■■■■■■ over a lot. Then I forgive, and the cycle starts over.
But every once in a while, and I mean once in a while, somebody comes through for me, and makes me feel like I do, in fact, have atleast a few friends.
Morrison said it best “People are strange, when you’re a strange-er”.

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I used to be very optimistic about human nature but lately I’ve been very pessimistic. I find I used to be happier though. So perhaps it’s a tender balance one must acquire with age and experience.

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Unless proven otherwise, that’s just protecting yourself. Some people see an opportunity to rip people off if you’re not 100% there.

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