I think at this point I can mostly blend in with normal people, pass myself off as being fairly normal, though I’m sure I come across as at least a little odd. I don’t care much anymore, though it is embarrassing when I do little things like talking out loud to myself in public. Whatever. I think about the past some, too, though.
I’m wondering how crazy I came across in high school, since the psychosis and major mood symptoms started when I was 15.
I wonder the same about college and med school, since I was not properly diagnosed and medicated with an AP during those years, either
Some of it is wondering why my family and my teachers couldn’t see how ■■■■■■ up I was and get me some help.
Well, I came across as fairly normal for the first 20 years of my disease but I was totally batsh*t crazy. Then the cracks started to show. I wonder how crazy people think I am. If I’m not complaining about my neighbors I sound pretty normal. I would guess that some (maybe a lot ) of people at work see me as crazy but I still get treated fairly well. I had to get used to looking crazy late in life. It’s tough.
I know people think I look crazy. I’m agoraphobic, so I always appear like I trust no one and imjust waiting for someone to hurt me.
Also I have a dissociative disorder, so I am frequently spaced out and I don’t always realize someone just talked to me. I just try to make light of it and say I was lost in my own little world…which is true!
I know I came across as either off or crazy to some people just before I started hearing voices - I was really paranoid then - and during the 6 years I was hearing voices, but unmedicated and undiagnosed.
I was just noticing tonight how awkward I am around people. My buddy Bob picked me up around 3:00 today, and I spent the whole car ride trying to decide where I should put my hands. Even around people I’ve known for years, I’m an awkward duck.
We stopped at Subway on the way home, and the girl at the counter could tell I was a little different. She felt more at home in her own skin at 20, then I do at 57 LOL
Some people love me, others just think I’m strange.