My mom took away her approval of me when I turned 13. I remember it happening. I am 28 and I STILL feel this pain though I can say it’s not as consuming. I sent her a pic of my art and she just sent a thumbs up, would have preferred her not to send anything. But everytime I talk about my art she compares me to artists that have been doing it longer. It really has zapped my self esteem in the past and I’m trying to get over it.
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The thumbs up means she approve.
I’ve never craved approval from anyone. I just live my life. If people approve cool also cool if they don’t.
I used to seek my mom’s and other people’s approval earnestly for three decades but now I realize that life is too short to yearn for something that I may not get anyways.
Sounds like a great way for stress to eat at the sza mind if always seeking the approval of others. Imho.
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Only have one parent, she’s dead, and she was an evil skank ho. Hope she disapproves of me from wherever she is now because that means I’m living my life right.
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I craved and tried to get my family’s approval for 30 years. Finally let it go once I saw them reject my own kid the way they rejected me, because I knew it wasn’t his fault, it was theirs. And then i realized it was also never my fault.
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I guess I’m still trying to learn that. My mom latched onto my neice because she looks like me. She even calls her my deadname sometimes on accident. But she’s a lot like how I was as a kid and my mom is eating that up. Think she feels like she gets a second chance at a daughter because she’s raising her right now. (Cps took the kids away from my brother)
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That has to be really hard, feeling like you’ve been replaced. I’m sorry. It isn’t your fault that the person you are isn’t the person your mom hoped you would be. You made the decisions you could live with, not the decisions she could live with. That’s all any of us can do.
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Honestly? I don’t think so. I’m 28 almost 29 and I still care what my parents think of me
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I’m still waiting for this to happen to me. Every time my father is around I try to impress him, and even when I know I succeed, he gives nothing but ridicule. It’s more satisfying to make him laugh at inappropriate things, because he’s an inappropriate person.
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My parents are generally quite supportive.
We’re very close these days, although when I was growing up there was a lot of conflict
Moving into my own place was the best decision I ever made as it gave me the space I needed, and sure it was the same for them too
Now I have a sanctuary where I am free to do what I like and it’s great!
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I constantly crave my mothers approval - im a bit of a mummys boy. I run the most mundane things past her. She will tell me off if ive just blown 50 quid on a video game lol.
I love my dear mum anyway, so i dont care if people think im under the thumb anyway, shes 80 this year, and still feel guilty for the nasty crap i put her thru when i was prodromal. The women had me sent to prison lol for crim damage - but i still love her.
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I think I got over it. During 1ep I decided to be honest about my mental health, and not hide my problems. That was me throwing in the towel on approval. The nice thing is we are closer now than before, because I’m not trying to be someone else. They seem to accept the real me.
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If I were to get introspective about it I would say that probably my moms narcissism stunted my emotional development. I tend to avoid conflict because I was conditioned to think that its not worth it because I never got anywhere fighting with my mom. So I distanced myself from her and hung out with friends all day and night
My sister wasnt so lucky, my mom latched onto her and my sister basically had to do everything for my mom. I didnt really care or notice cuz I was too busy fcking off to my friends places (Id sleep over a lot too) and I feel bad about that. But now I have sz or something (switched me back to psychosis nos from sza so idk) and Im a massive trainwreck of a human being while my sister is sociable, nomal and has tons of friends, just like me in college and before
Its like karma lol and the voices tell me theyre tormenting me because Im a sht person. Maybe that has something to do with it. I think her passing is what made me crazy. She called me the night before she took her own life and I didnt pick up. Haunts me to this day
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That would haunt me too. It sounds like you were the scapegoat child and she was the golden child. In which case her whole persona of being normal and friendly could have been faked to seek approval. What do you think she would have said to you in that missed call?
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I dont think I was the scapegoat necessarily. My sister and I both got admonished if we didnt play ball with her. I think my sister is just naturally caring so she stuck around and tried to play along so my mom wouldnt be upset. Emotional manipulation basically. She still has problems with self-esteem and falling under the influence of manipulators, but shes much more well adjusted now.
I really dont know. My aunt who was living with her at the time died of a drug OD on some opiate or another a few days before. She called me at a party and I was hammered and she was on something so it was basically like two whales talking to each other lol just slurred sounds back and forth. But I gathered that my aunt had died and so I left the party. Of course it wasnt an enjoyable call so when she called again a few nights later I let it go to voicemail. My dad called me the next day to tell me she had been found dead. Checked the voicemail and it was like half a second of silence and a click.
It drives me crazy not knowing what she would have said to me. I first started hearing voices about 5-6 months later.
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I don’t care if my parents approve of me. I was raised Mormon, which means you get married in the temple, no tattoos, no piercings other than one per earlobe, no tea, no coffee, no alcohol of any kind, no LGBTQ nonsense, etc.
Well, at 17, I came out to my parents as bisexual. I confidently dated people of any gender.
At 21, I ordered a beer at family dinner, lol. I now don’t care if they judge me for having a wine bottle collection above the kitchen cupboards.
I fell in love with a guy who is now my husband. We did NOT get married in any holy structure. We got married in a botanical greenhouse garden.
I started drinking coffee, for the first time in my life, at age 22. I fell in love with coffee. I LOVE COFFEE. 
I also love tea, now.
Then I got my lip pierced. Had it for 5 years. Then took it out, but eventually I got my nostril pierced, instead. I also have multiple ear piercings, including an industrial barbell.
Then I got my first tattoo. It’s a good size for being my first tattoo. I want more!!
So, yeah. My mom subtly hints to me that she thinks I’m going to hell. Oh, well. I know I’m not. Can’t please everyone. Why stress over it? I know she still loves me even though she doesn’t approve. That’s all that matters to me, that my parents still love me. I don’t care if they agree with my life, though.
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I got over needing my moms approval five years ago when she died and was buried. I never stood a chance of gaining my fathers approval so I never tried. He’s dead now too.
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I can understand the burden @zwolfgang . My friend who just passed and I were on the outs at the time. I still feel like I should have been there, and been able to help
But, I have to remind myself that I was going on the best information I had available when I distanced myself. I didn’t realize he was going to pass, neither did anyone else.
I wish it could have been different, but as the saying goes, wish in one hand s*** in the other. I’m just saying, we have to go easy on ourselves
I used to seek my mom’s approval; this mostly stopped, when I was twelve, as she moved to another state, without us, when I needed her to stay. It is nice, when she approves of me, but it isn’t something I seek out in particular.
I do not seek my father’s approval. I may have done this as a very young child, but I can’t recall that, if so. At six or seven, I think I started to lose respect for him; there are several reasons, for this.
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My dad always wanted me to achieve like my siblings so when he found out I was mental, he wasn’t very supportive and still wanted me to achieve leading me to getting a part time job for two years leading to benzhexol abuse. After he learned about akathisa though, he told me it’s fine to do self-care and such, although that was when he realised I couldn’t get another job then.
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