I have this strange feeling.
I feel like I should quit my meds and go completely psychotic, or somehow end up in a hospital.
I don’t know why, I mostly feel fine. Maybe life is just easier in the hospital.
I think it’s partially due to the voices. They’ve been at me to quit for a while, but I don’t want to.
I just sometimes feel like it would be easier to just be psychotic and be taken care of.
It’s like some twisted form of sobriety slogan “don’t take the drugs”, lol.
If you are feeling frustrated sometimes you just want to throw up your hands and say “forget it”
Sometimes it’s hard to keep fighting so hard when you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. Do you think that could have anything to do with it? That’s how I feel sometimes. Almost like it’s pointless because I don’t feel like I will ever get any better, so why bother, But then I really try to remember how bad it is without the meds and I talk myself into staying on them. But it’s a fine line sometimes.
I know the feeling.
When I look at it long-term, I know I’ve made progress. But sometimes it feels like I’m just a misstep away from screwing it all up. And I keep making the same mistakes over and over.
Well, if it’s the feeling of being taken care of that you’re after, then maybe one of your friends would be willing to cook you a meal? Or you could go get a massage or a pedicure or something like that. It’s okay to take some time to just relax, you know. You don’t have to be ill in order to deserve to be pampered and cared for sometimes.
I think being slightly maladaptive is part of schizophrenia, but if we are patient with ourselves we can learn. Just keep on trying honey, that’s all you can do. I love you.
