I try to embrace my ego now. But sometimes I’m
Happy I put a dent into it. I agree it just means your conscience thought process. Some ppl think that means mystical experience. To allow your brain to see the world as one entity.
Frankly the word ego brings a lot of abuse and ptsd memories back to me. But I’m a bit conflicted. Because too much ego which is maybe what I had at 19 before I changed my life quite a bit was unhealthy. I do think that it takes a number of years to get over ego traumas even if you’re conscious of it.
No it was my “ego” more than anything. I
Wasn’t the worst person I was hurt in the ego more than anything .
But I slept with a girl a little after turning 19 for the first time. She complimented me it went to my head. I was bothered by a direct attack on my entire life purpose in childhood at 11. It made sense sleeping with her would go to
My head too
Much with what she said. I def don’t blame her. But then I met a girl I liked and she didn’t like me cuz I was sza already and I was a narcissistic person very much so for a few months. I ended up hurting the girl who complimented me. The other girl I loved who didn’t like my ego gave me lsd and encouraged me to do a lot of it. Then people broke into my house while I
Was tripping. ■■■■■■ with me threw knives at walls trashed house and stole from
Me. Then on
The comedown I’m freaking out and the same person who abused me in childhood said “DUDE.” I said “what?!?!?”
He said “YOUR EGO”. I still remember my answer. “I knowwww” He said I love you and then I said love you back. 2 days later we were never ever coooool again.
I had more experiences that made me more grandiose in
Years later. When I got arrested the whole group told me I was Jesus. I was an atheist. But then I started believing in a higher power it all went to my head.
Made me struggle more years too.
Do more drugs too.
I think
That my key to recovery is meds, insight, understanding, therapy, and clarity.
I never made a conscious decision to be a better person. I was too hurt to see my narcissistic tendencies. It was clarity a lot.
Now I’m
Ok tho dw about me lol but that’s my story I’m gonna stick with
One more thing. I had this thing stuck in my head. That the definition of ego was “bias”. Think about those implications I guess. It really confused the hell outta me. Society ate me alive to death.